Tuesday, 29 December 2009


Today I overheard both sides of a heated telephone conversation between two "youfs". First, let me clarify that I was not stalking them, but I was in earshot of Youf #1 who had the loud-speaker on his mobile turned up to 11, allowing everyone the dubious honour of being able to hear the chavvish screams of Youf #2.

To begin with I was generally concerned as an argument erupted and threats were bandied about. From what I could deduce (I'm no Harriet the Spy) the general premise was that Youf #1 had pushed over the younger brother of Youf #2 during a game of football, causing Youf #2 to defend his family's honour... via mobile conversation (please remember these are 15 year-olds, this is more Little Rascals than The Godfather).

"Don't you EVER touch my little brother again, understand?" squealed Youf #2. "Next time I see you I should punch you in the face!"

To wit Youf #1 returned "If you do that, I know loads of people in ____ who will lay you out!" (He didn't really pause there, I'm just not revealing the place name, aight?)

This charming tete-a-tete continued with voices rising and tempers fraying, until the very last sentence. When this happened:

"By the way," said Youf #1, all anger evaporated from his voice, to be replaced with mild giddiness, "don't forget to phone me if you're allowed out later, so we can meet up, okay? See 'ya, bye."

Teenagers, hey? What a fickle bunch.


  1. I can almost hear N-Dubz in the background, it's scary. Little did you know that those two 15 years olds are swapping fluids as we speak.

  2. Update your blog you freakin' hippy.