Hollywood Tonight

Blu Review: BURLESQUE
12 – 119mins – 2010
Written by: Steve Antin
Directed by: Steve Antin
Starring: Cher, Christina Aguilera, Eric Dane, Cam Gigandet, Stanley Tucci, Kristen Bell, Alan Cumming, Peter Gallagher, Dianna Agron
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“She gave up her life to follow her dreams,
Left behind everything for the movie scene,
Nothing more she could want, she was determined to follow her plan,
She wanted Hollywood, she wanted it bad.”

Following up her disastrous Bionic LP (reviewed HERE), twenty-first century pop idol Christina Aguilera makes her impressively charismatic feature film debut in this predictable but spectacular musical riff on the age old cautionary tale of the American Dream, as outlined in my opening quote by a verse from the Michael Jackson track I nabbed the title from for this CR@Blog review.*

Too attractive and talented to be wasting away waitressing in an Iowa diner, confident Ali Rose (Aguilera) makes the bold decision to quit her job, pack her bags and head to the bright lights of Los Angeles in the hope of becoming a star.

Enticed into the “greatest view without windows”, resolute Ali all too swiftly bags herself a waitressing gig in downtown revue venue The Burlesque Lounge, owned by retired dancer Tess (Cher) but on the brink of being repossessed. It’s a popular (if niche) attraction, but all those sequins, shoes and corsets don’t come cheap.

In the blink of a mascara-lined eye, Ali’s hidden talents have been revealed and she’s promoted to the stage where she upsets tardy diva Nikki ( Bell ) but makes fans of everyone else – including barman-come-musician Jack (Gigandet) and loaded potential business savour Markus (Dane). It's really that easy, gals.

I realise that I’m making it sound like I have a mountain of issues with Steve Antin’s Burlesque, but that’s only because I’m fully aware that the well-worn plot is the epitome of Cabaret conformity and this rags to riches tale is all too laden with fortune and stripped of seediness or misery – but that just makes the fact that I thought it was fabulous all the more astounding. I’m not going to hide behind a fan of feathers and pretend that this vivid extravaganza didn’t entertain me; because it did.

Sean: “What’s Ali short for?”
Ali: “ Alice ”
Sean: “Well, Alice , welcome to Wonderland”

Nikki’s tantrums and jealous glares aside, everyone in the dance troupe and behind the scenes is far too nice, far too accepting and far too accommodating. You never feel any threat to Tess livelihood, Ali’s dreams or Jack’s relationship quandary because you know everything’s going to work out okay by curtains up. It’s not in the least bit realistic, granted, but then neither are the clichéd characters. However it is spirited and inspirational, and if the grandiose musical numbers don’t knock you out then you don’t have a pulse.


In a CR@B Shell: If I’m being frank this is a 3 star film – a conventional plot dressed up in fancily choreographed numbers – but I’m not Frank; I’m CR@B Howard, and I had a whale of a time with this glitzy, ritzy hurly burly show. That’s right, CR@B fans: Burlesque impressed.
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* I may as well take this opportunity to pimp my review of the King of Pop's 2010 posthumous release Michael (LINKAGE).

Trampires

Blu Review: VAMP
18 – 93mins – 1986
Story by: Richard Wenk and Donald P. Borchers
Screenplay by: Richard Wenk
Directed by: Richard Wenk
Starring: Chris Makepeace, Robert Rusler, Sandy Baron, Dedee Pfeiffer, Gedde Watanabe, Grace Jones, Billy Drago, Brad Logan, Kayla Blake
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The intimidating Grace Jones portrays a silent-but-deadly Vampire Queen in this cheesy 80s horror/comedy which plays like a prototype model for Tarantino's From Dusk 'Til Dawn. Desperate to prove their worth to the number one fraternity on campus, two cocksure college pledges (Makepeace, Rusler) persuade a wealthy-but-impressionable geek (Watanabe) to lend them his wheels to make a trip to the inner-city to scout out a stripper for the initiation party to end all initiation parties.

As well as making enemies of a gang of albino thugs (!) and nearly getting sawn in half by a “runaway elevator” (seriously), the lads also make the mistake of choosing the only gentleman's establishment in town run by fanged bloodsuckers: The After Dark Club. Preying on the lonely, the drunk and the unloved down-and-outs; you could say they're trading flesh-for-flesh, but Vamp eschews any overt seediness.

Director and co-writer Wenk definitely favours laughter over slaughter, although do not mistake this for an asinine Dracula: Dead and Loving It style spoof. The vampiric make up looks remarkable similar to that later made famous by Joss Whedon's Buffy, and the gory special effects have held up remarkable well over the years. Keep an eye out for the exceptionally explicit exposure to sunlight set-piece.

Vamp is a titillating enough post-pub road trip, but it's too bright to be scary (even the sewers are lit in psychedelic shades of purple and neon green which would give Schumacher's Gotham City a run for its money), and the lead characters never feel at all endangered (even when fangs *ahem* don't go their way) because the club owners (Baron, Logan) are too camp to be threatening and everyone seems to take all the supernatural atrocities in their stride.


In a CR@B Shell: Weird Science with added bite; Vamp is a vivid and kooky rite of passage movie which is both influenced by and influences plentiful cinematic perversions of these well-drained creatures of the night.
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