Escape to Insanity

Blu Review: SUCKER PUNCH
12 – 110mins – 2011
Story by: Zack Snyder
Screenplay by: Zack Snyder and Steve Shibuya
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung, Carla Gugino, Oscar Isaac, Scott Glenn, Gerard Plunkett, Jon Hamm
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A quick scout online informs me that a “sucker punch” is a blow made when not expected. While the utilization of the phrase as the title of Zack Snyder’s latest overblown CGI-fest is never outright clarified during its duration, it’s clear to me, at least, that the “blow” that was delivered when not expected was the fact that the much-hyped blockbuster just isn’t very good. Either that or we’re all suckers for watching it and deserved to be punched for putting up with such nonsense? I’ll stick with the former.

Not only was I not a fan of Snyder’s previous effort Watchmen, I was also well aware of the avalanche of less than complimentary reviews levelled at his latest high concept fantasy flick. Nevertheless, it looked spectacular and I was curious to check it out, so I went in with an open mind, up for a thoroughly fun (if brainless) popcorn bonanza. Part of me really wanted to be the one positive voice amongst the throng of critical haters. Alas, it hurts me to say – especially about a film so beautifully, flawlessly and painstakingly rendered – that I can’t: Sucker Punch just sucks.

Institutionalised by her sexually abusive stepfather (Plunkett) after a self-defensive retort goes awry, 20year-old Babydoll (Browning) retreats into a dream world that she has control over to get herself through her gruelling tenure. Determined to escape before corrupt asylum orderly Blue (Isaac) can have her lobotomized illegally (and thus unable to report her stepfather's wrongdoing), Babyboll sets out to obtain five items – a map, a key, a lighter, a knife and a mysterious fifth – integral to an escape attempt.

Envisioning the asylum as a seedy brothel in which Blue is the mobster who runs the joint, the group therapist (Gugino) is a dance instructor and the other patients/inmates – Rocket (Malone), Sweet Pea (Cornish), Blondie (Beastly’s Hudgens) and Amber (Chung) – are exploited dancers, Babydoll must corral the other girls into joining her cause and obtaining the necessary objects whilst the staff are paralysed in awe; drooling. Simples, right?

Her distraction technique is an erotic dance during the performance of which Babydoll retreats even further into her subconscious by imagining grandiose battles in which the girls take on oversized supernatural samarais, steampunk zombie soldiers, orcs, dragons and an army of robot warriors aboard a speeding train in their fight to obtain the keys to aid their breakout. Babydoll is motivated throughout these mindbending fantasies by a mysterious Wise Man (Glenn) who, unlike the other men in her life, has her best interests at heart.

So what we have here is a turgid dream-within-a-dream scenario which plays like a very pretty video game adaptation; all style, gorgeous graphics and not a lot else. You quickly come to realise that there is a dreadfully rigid template to Sucker Punch's “gameplay”: Beat the baddie, complete the level, earn the token and move on to the next stage – but the prize at the end is so shockingly depressing that it makes you question whether escape was actually worth it, and whether “winning” is actually the correct term to use.

Beneath the gloss, Snyder’s hyperactive jumble of a vision not only downplays the appalling brutality of Babydoll’s misery but just utterly confuses. For starters, who the hell is Wise Man? He isn’t a character in the asylum, so does he really exist or is he – as his name suggests – some kind of omniscient guardian angel providing Babydoll with an internalised mentor? Far from providing clarity, his final appearance muddies the conundrum even further by bringing him into the real world – yet still exuding the same all-knowing, ever-helpful attitude.

Furthermore, while there is a clear pan-away to the fantasy battles (the dazzlingly perceptible change in exotic locale also helps), there is little indication of when the Lennox Mental Asylum suddenly becomes a fictitious brothel. Blur the lines between fantasy and reality, by all means, but I questioned if I’d accidentally sat on the remote and skipped a scene, so I can only wonder how long it took some less perceptive viewers to realise we weren’t still in the asylum, especially as all the characters are the same!

Most disconcerting of all – don’t worry, my rant is nearly at an end – is exactly why an abused young girl would ever feel “safe” in such a sordid scenario where she must wear scantily clad attire and use her body to thrill sleazy men? It just doesn't make sense! Is this supposed to be empowering? I think not. An ironic statement on men’s objectification of women? Hardly – it just comes off as misogynistic, especially as the extended blu-ray cut (available on retail copies only) purportedly re-inserts additional scenes of abuse and violence! Remind me to avoid that barrel of laughs, yeah?


In a CR@B Shell: Noisome, barmy and over-stylised to the point of offensively ostentatious; any poignant message Zack Snyder was attempting to convey was definitely lost beneath the excessive SFX. Even forgoing any emotional depth, Sucker Punch is still a cluttered and confusing mess of a popcorn flick. “Sucky Punch” more like.
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City-eat-city

Book Review: PREDATOR'S GOLD
Written by: Philip Reeve
Released in: 2003
Published by: Scholastic
316 pages
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[SPOILERS] He may currently be shaggy beard-deep in Tintin and Hobbit shiz, but on the horizon Peter Jackson has an adaptation of the first book in Philip Reeve's bestselling Mortal Engines Quartet – that's the Hungry Cities Chronicles, as it is known in the US of A – in his bespectacled sight. This is the primary reason I sought out the introductory volume (Mortal Engines) last month; to get clued-up super early so I can pretend to know what the 'eck I'm talkin' bout when (or indeed if) the movie ever gets made.

Set on a post-apocalyptic Earth where entire settlements have uprooted from the nuclear-ravaged land they once occupied and gained themselves a set of wheels in an attempt to out-run one another for fear that the larger city-sized colonies will devour the smaller towns and villages and strip them of their much sought-after materials, commodities – even inhabitants!

“A City-eat-city world?!” I can imagine newcomers questioning. “You're taking the piss, surely?”. It's certainly a high concept pill to swallow, and I will admit to being *slightly* dubious as I read Mortal Engine's opening page – but, trust me, it isn't as ludicrous as the synopsis makes it sound, and I enjoyed this first dip into the bustling, ever-expanding steampunk-esque future-verse.

That being said, I can't claim to being unequivocally bowled over by it. I liked it, yes, but I didn't consider it sublime, faultless or unputdownable literary perfection and I was stumped when it came to conjuring up enough words to write a decent sized CR@Blog review (hence why you've never seen one). Nevertheless I was still satisfied – and curious – enough to seek out part two in the series: Predator's Gold. I'm pleased to report I've got plenty of opinions to wheel your way this time around ('cos if I hadn't there'd be nothing here for you to read, duh!).

Commencing two years after the first entry ended in spectacularly world-altering fashion, Predator's Gold sees our everyboy protagonist, ex-apprentice historian Tom Natsworthy, and his facially-disfigured girlfriend, Hester Shaw, pick up a famous literary hitch-hiker in their “inherited” airship, the Jenny Haniver. Seeking refuge on the once-thriving “Traction City” of Anchorage, the trio are in equal parts excited and disquieted by the level of disrepute that has befallen this once proud mecca, left devastated after a plague wiped out most of their population and left the inexperienced teenage margravine Freya Rasmussen in charge.

Seeing the arrival of bestselling histo-adventure writer Professor Pennyroyal as a sign that Anchorage must make its way to the long-believed radioactive wasteland that was once America, Freya asks the author, Tom and Hester to be her guests on the fanciful journey to discover surviving pockets of civilisation and enduring fauna. But all too soon relationships prosper and sour as secrets are kept and lies are told, and Anchorage is unaware that the predator city of Arkangel has been enlightened to their course and is closing in, hungry for resources – and that isn't even their biggest threat...

If Mortal Engines fell marginally fowl of origin story drudgery, Predator's Gold was free to soar into bold new territory, and this is a mighty inventive and colourful world. With an expansive range of characters who encompass every class from orhpaned royals to, erm, orphaned pickpockets, Reeve revels in a cast of full-bodied, three-dimensional players. Tom may be brave beyond his years, but he is by no means the angelic innocent hero figure you may expect from a young adult novel. He questions those around him and is unreserved in his judgements – even stooping so low as to wish his unfortunately-disfigured girlfriend wasn't so ugly, while encouraging unfaithful thoughts towards plump, pretty Freya.

Hester, meanwhile, is a bitter and understandably unconfident soul who makes horrendous snap decisions which I couldn't help but scream in disbelief at – she's hardly a prototypical fairytale princess, rather a real person, and it's refreshing to see a role model sulk and make mistakes. Devious shadow burglar Caul, too, is a complicated and well-rounded individual – a thief with a heart! Conversely, Pennyroyal was, unfortunately, a far too predictable red herring of a yellow belly, reminding me from the very outset as a Gilderoy Lockhart-type fraud (he of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets).

Published by Scholastic but clearly aimed at a more mature teen audience than their usual school-age output, I was pleasantly surprised to see Predator's Gold push the boundaries – scarcely 17 years of age, Tom and Hester don't hide the fact that they are lovers who share a bed and enjoy drinking wine, while Reeve also gets a kick out of painting many a disturbing and unexpectedly violent picture. It's never unnecessary or offensively heinous, but it certainly packs a winding narrative punch.


In a CR@B Shell: A rolling stone may gather no moss, but a rolling city definitely gathers gloss. A step-up from an inspired but satisfactory origin story, steampunk action sequel Predator's Gold is an exhilarating, unpredictable and emotionally diverse adventure which left me eager to pick up part three.
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Magic Soon to be Set Free

Despite being available on UK shores in paperback format since last year, the long awaited soft-bound release of young-adult fantasy author Jaclyn Dolamore's debut novel, Magic Under Glass, is set for US release by Bloomsbury on May 24th 2011 - that's just three weeks away!

As a bonus incentive for her American audience, this new edition will also feature a sneek peak at Ms. Dolamore's sophomore work of fantasy fiction, Between the Sea and Sky, which is due to be published internationally this October. Mermaids, magic and a race of winged humanoids? I'll certainly be checking that out!

Click THIS LINK to read my review of Magic Under Glass, which I posted as part of a trio of taut critiques waaaay back in January (can you believe that was five months ago?!).

US readers, click THIS LINK to reach the Magic Under Glass Amazon.com page to order your copy of the impending paperback release now!