Blood Bath-ory

DVD Review: BATHORY: COUNTESS OF BLOOD
15 – 138mins – 2008
Script by: Juraj Jakubisko
Dialogue by: John Paul Chapple
Directed by: Juraj Jakubisko
Starring: Anna Friel, Karel Roden, Vincent Regan, Hans Matheson, Franco Nero, Antony Byrne, Bolek Polivka
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With a budget of £10million, this lavish production charting the truth behind the legend of “vampiric” mass murderess Elizabeth Bathory is the most expensive Slovak/Czech movie ever made. Curiously, it has taken six years from when the cameras started rolling to emerge on region 2 DVD. Completed in 2008 (having replaced departing lead Famke Janssen with Anna Brookside Friel), Bathory’s staggered release schedule has seen it hit different markets at widely different times, but quite why its UK debut has been so delayed – especially given Ms. Friel’s nationality and celebrity – is beyond me.

Slovak auteur Juraj Jakubisko presents his infamous immortal countess in a softer and more sympathetic light than you may expect for a woman listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most prolific serial killer of all time – a record Jakubisko clearly does not accept as true. He also contests that her renowned blood baths (a trait which many believe inspired Bram Stoker with Dracula) were in fact medicinal herbs, and not the blood of her virginal female victims. Furthermore, any accusation of vampirism is limited to one sentence – this is a more grounded depiction.

Well, as grounded as a film about murder, witch doctors and monk-inventors-turned-spies in 16th century Hungary can be… The 138 minute epic is certainly a rich and exotic affair, stirring a plethora of ideas, characters and genres into one sumptuous piece of romanticised art. Tonally, the film feels like a blend of French werewolf thriller Brotherhood of the Wolf and an episode of The Tudors: there’s dark and potentially supernatural hokum, political intrigue, war, bloodshed, royal deceit, rape and romantic whimsy – and the aforementioned Catholic duo even bring an (ill-advised) splash of Van Helsing into the mix with their comedic endeavours!

It’s certainly a grand gothic affair, even if it does take some following as the years speed by and the assorted threads extend ever-further as Bathory loses her grip on reality while her ever-youthful body betrays her cerebral spiral. Friel and Hans Matheson excel as the doomed countess and her fanciful artist, while the European locales provide an opulent visual backdrop. However, the sheer scope of Jakubisko’s ambitious vision is dizzying in its abundance and could have benefited from a little restraint. Less is more, Mr Jakubisko – unless you’re trying to break some kind of world record…?

In a CR@B Shell: A controversially considerate portrayal of a monstrous feminine, Juraj Jakubisko’s vision is a decadent concoction of fact and fiction, horror and drama, hallucinations and whimsy – making Bathory an intriguing potion which is hard to swallow in one mammoth gulp.
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Fusty Fanged Federation

Book Review: UPRISING
Written by: Scott G. Mariani
Published in the UK by: AVON
Released: 10th June 2010
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Best known for his high-octane series of Dan Brown-alike mystery thrillers starring intrepid ex-SAS protagonist Ben Hope, Scott G. Mariani's latest prose project – the first in a proposed new saga – is something of a departure for the acclaimed British author. Welcome to modern day London with a supernatural, err, bite... welcome to the world of the Vampire Federation.

Established by the undead hordes to keep their blood-feasting urges from being detected by the technologically savvy human population of the 21st century, the codes of the Vampire Federation are, alas, not adhered to by all neck biters. A rogue sect of traditionalists (or “trads”) lead by ferocious rebel vamp Gabriel Stone are out to bring down the dictatorial Federation, destroy its force of special agents and allow free reign for the fanged creatures of the night.

It was Scott G. Mariani's desire to give the hallmarks of classic vampire mythology – namely those set out in the seminal masterpiece Dracula, which the author openly acknowledges as far more than a passing inspiration – a fresh and modern spin. Hence his action packed world of interspecies civil war is stocked with many an advanced gimmick and gizmo (although cynics may say "story-servicing cheats") which Bram Stoker could scarcely have envisaged: from an arsenal of vamp-dusting weapons, to pills which allow the night-walkers to get a suntan, and injections which wipe the recent memory of any neck-punctured mortal.

Of course, this is one mighty popular sub-genre of horror, and many recent films, series and novels have beaten Uprising to the punch. Blade, Nightwatch, Twilight, the True Blood/Sookie Stackhouse chronicles, 30 Days of Night and Daybreakers are but a few mainstream examples of modern twists to the age-old antagonists. For all Mariani's best intentions, this leaves Uprising with a terribly trite and stale stench. From the shadow strewn back-alley attacks, to the cloak-clad “baddies” with their secret dungeon graveyards and ghoulish minions masquerading as butlers: we've seen it all before.

Uprising's second half improves slightly over the unremarkable and clichéd first 250-odd pages, as venegance-powered human hero DI Joel Solomon finally teams up with Federation agent Alex Bishop and the odd couple head to Venice to track down legendary artefact – and ultimate vampire repellent – the cross of Ardaich (yep, that's another "story-servicing cheat").

With a clear goal, the novel picks up pace and feels more cohesive and focused than the globe-jumping mess of the first half where every bite-sized chapter - prefixed with a different locational brief - introduces yet another two dimensional character; from page to page you don't know where you will be, or who with. Were the chapters not so short (3-5 pages is the average, with many a blank page speeding up the journey) and the writing not so sprightly and easy to digest, I would have given up on Uprising long before the story began to grip me.

Mariani's prose has a strongly cinematic feel. This author clearly prefers writing action to detail, so although the story flies by, you never feel truly immersed. It is as if Uprising was written with one eye on a multi-million dollar Hollywood adaptation and Mariani went all-out to deliver what would look the most mind-blowingly epic on the big screen: there's a Thames speedboat chase, a fight clambering on the London Eye, a high speed car crash and a Dracula-riffing Romanian castle climax. Frankly, it all comes across as a little over indulgent.

The same is true of the over abundance of “fucks,” “shits,” needlessly graphic deaths and out of place sex scenes: I came away with the opinion that Mariani was out to drive home the point that his vampire novel is hip, extreme, current and for adults only. Unfortunately, this all just comes across as a contrived and immature attempt to assert that Uprising definitely isn't Twilight, which was already obvious from the first hint of fang.


In a CR@B Shell: A leisurely read, but Scott G. Mariani's supernatural horror debut brings nothing new to an overcrowded genre. For all its desperate attempts at “modern,” “edgy” and “extreme”, Uprising is a predictable and tired novel which is more hackneyed than homage.
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Cine-review: THE WOLFMAN (15)

I had unrealistically high hopes for Universal Studios 21st century update of their classic 1941 creature feature The Wolf Man. I say unrealistic because the film's progress from script to screen was blighted first by the loss of original director Mark Romanek over budgetary squabbles, then by mammoth delays which set it back 3 – yes, THREE – years (it was originally slated for a summer 2007 release). My interest, however, was heightened when I heard Jurassic Park III director Joe Johnston had taken over at the helm, this time swapping scales for hair in resurrecting another blood-thirsty monster for the big screen. Alas, The Wolfman (now all one word, linguists) is more of a dog's dinner than dino-mite.

The plot, which sees estranged nobleman Lawrence Talbot (Benicio Del Toro) lured back to his troubled family estate after his brother goes missing, is unoriginal cliché-ridden nonsense, replete with angry pitchfork-waving mobs, hidden crypts and mysterious gypsy camps. There is nothing new on offer here, and we have seen everything done so many times before that even the supposed twists fail to shock or surprise. The acting is either criminally low-key (a wooden Hugo Weaving as detective Abberline) or hammier than a platter of pigs in blanket (Anthony Hopkins as Talbot Snr., holder of many secrets). And whoever cast Del Toro as an Englishman should be shot with a silver bullet. The Puerto Rican actor visibly tries to hold back his natural accent throughout the 102 minute duration.

Visually, I cannot fault the film. Victorian-era Britain looks suitably glum and washed-out, and the lycanthropic effects – courtesy of SFX supremo Rick Baker – are a delight. The film also doesn't shy away from blood and guts, although it never goes so far as to make the gore unrealistically cheesy. There are a number of nods to other horror genre staples, most notably Universal Studio's other gothic assets Frankenstein and Dracula, which is a nice touch given how deeply ingrained in popular culture such tales of horror have become, however the musical score – from the usually superb Danny Elfman – is so closely reminiscent of Wojciech Kilar's chillingly atmospheric arrangements for 1992's Bram Stoker's Dracula, I was fully prepared to file a plagiarism claim.
My major issue with The Wolfman, however, is with the editing, especially in the first half of the film, which jumps jarringly from scene-to-scene and can only be described as a hack job. I was left with the opinion that the emphasis was clearly on the action sequences, and plot development was of secondary importance, being sped through with little care for consistency. Whether this is the result of multiple directors leaving their mark or studio interference demanding cuts, I cannot be sure, but it leads to a bumpy ride which never sits comfortably. A moment's pause – or should that be paws? – in the name of exposition would have really benefited the unsympathetic characterisation. It is a shame, as the film really lets rip once the moon is full and the beast is free to roam.

CR@BHoward's verdict: A bit of a "howler"

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