Angelic Possession

DVD Review: LEGION
15 – 97mins – 2010
Written by: Peter Schink and Scott Stewart
Directed by: Scott Stewart
Starring: Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson, Adrianne Palicki, Charles S. Dutton, Jon Tenney, Willa Holland, Kate Walsh, Jeanette Miller, Kevin Durand, Doug Jones
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God has lost faith in humanity. Again. But whereas the last time he summoned a flood to wash over the land, this time he has charged his legion of Angels with the task of possessing the weak-minded to wipe out those who put up a fight. Only one – Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) – dares defy the Lord's word, and he is expelled from Heaven and dropped to Earth.

He lands in Los Angeles (where else?), where our protagonist cuts the wings from his own back and raids a Korean gun factory for an arsenal of automatic weaponry. Apprehending a police car, Michael heads to the aptly named Paradise Falls, an out of the way diner cut off from civilisation in the Mojave Desert, to ward off the Apocalypse and save humanity by overseeing the impending birth of mankind's saviour... All in a day's work.

It's a sumptuously mouth-watering cinematic prospect: God's supernatural minions shedding their angelic façades to face off against a pocket of human resistance. Imagine the fun directors could have with that unholy battle to end all battles? Alas, a prospect it remains, as it seems the creative force behind Legion's cameras had far too much fun with the CGI-crammed face-off sequences, that they forgot to string them together with a logical or enrapturing narrative.

Watching an ice cream vendor (Doug “Abe Sapien” Jones) roll up to the diner in his jingle tooting van before his limbs elongate freakishly and he lumbers spider-like towards the holed-up patrons, or a kindly OAP (Jeanette Miller) sprout animal fangs and crawl on the ceiling taking chunks out of people's necks is all thrilling stuff (the granny scene in particular is a real hoot, although that may be because it was the first), but a good movie individual set-pieces do not make.

Particularly not when the plot doesn't make a lick of sense (why do the Angels even need to possess people rather than just attack themselves? Why did God let things end the way they did?) and the ever-diminishing band of human characters do little to evoke our sympathy. Everyone has a mountain of issues and all they seem to do is argue. There's the diner owner Bob Hanson (Dennis Quaid), his naïve-but-loving son Jeep (Lucas Black), the hook-handed, bible-loving cook Percy (Charles S. Dutton) and the everywoman waitress, Charlie (Adrianne Palicki), who is pregnant with the second coming (although the writers don't have the balls to say so outright).

They are joined in the desert by frustrated family the Anderson's – Howard (Jon Tenney), Sandra (Kate Walsh) and their rebellious teenage daughter Audrey (Willa The O.C. Holland) – and single dad Kyle (Tyrese Gibson). The film rambles from eye-popping set-piece to set-piece, killing off the braindead cast in all manner of madcap ways, and there is such an almighty gap between the prologue which introduces Michael and the fallen Angel's appearance at the diner that you've almost forgotten what the point of any of it is and you're just gorging on the spectacle.

By the time Angel Gabriel (Kevin Durand) belatedly turns up to kill Charlie's baby (yep, she gives birth) and finish the job Michael refused, the film is beyond redemption and all logic has been thrown out the window of a speeding truck. The possessed hordes, it transpires, cannot actually harm the baby, allowing Jeep, Charlie, her child and Audrey to walk straight through them and drive away, while the poor new born is able to survive being dropped and a high-speed car crash without suffering a single boo-boo!!

You know what they say, God: if you want a job done properly... don't hire Peter Schink and Scott Stewart.


In a CR@B Shell: Legion's intriguing premise is crucified for the sake of a handful of absurdly wacky independent set pieces, hung together by an incomprehensibly weak narrative delivered through vacuous characters. All in all a doomsday disappointment.
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The Tension and the Smart

DVD Review: SMART PEOPLE
15 – 91mins – 2008
Written by: Mark Jude Poirier
Directed by: Noam Murro
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Sarah Jessica Parker, Ellen Page, Thomas Haden Church , Ashton Holmes
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Sometimes the smartest people have the most to learn

So reads the tagline to this quirky indie comedy drama from the producer of quirky indie comedy drama Sideways (2004), and such a seemingly paradoxical statement has never been more accurate than when you are first introduced to the lead protagonists in Noam Murro’s debut feature film, Smart People: Lawrence Wetherhold (Dennis Quaid) is an arrogant and apathetic English literature professor who has lived with his haughty, smart alec loner of a daughter, Vanessa (Ellen Page), since his wife died some years ago and his suppressed son, James (Ashton Holmes), moved away to college to spread his wings.

Lawrence ’s adopted brother, Chuck (Thomas Haden Church), is an indolent, unemployed free-loader who nevertheless never lets his dire situation get him down. Against Lawrence ’s wishes, Chuck ends up moving in to chez Wetherhold at the same time that the miserly college proff starts dating Janet Hartigan (Sarah Jessica Parker), a former student who treats Lawrence at the hospital after a minor accident. That is pretty much it in the way of plot, but Mark Jude Poirier’s witty script energizes the eccentric characters with sharp dialogue and zinging banter as this small scale character piece unfolds: Will Lawrence ever be able to love again? Will Vanessa ever learn to ‘chillax’ like a 17-year-old should? And will Chuck ever be able to stand on his own two feet? Oh, the angst!

It is a testament to the quality of the actors involved that you warm to these wholly unlikeable characters. Page and Haden Church are particularly engaging; spunky, acid-tongued Vanessa and her zany party animal of an (adopted) uncle’s polar personalities spark and clash in surprisingly unexpected, unconventional and unexceptable ways. Perhaps the key to the film’s success is that, underneath all the barbed comments and unsociable attitudes, these are recognisable people and their relationships are astutely observed. We could all learn a thing or two from Smart People.


CR@B Verdict: Bear with these pretentious brain boxes and they’ll win you over as they learn their most valuable lessons outside a classroom. With lesser performances this skeletal film could have fallen flat, but the repartee between the ensemble cast make Smart People a smart choice.
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