Hogwarts and All

Cine Review: HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART TWO (3D)
12A – 130mins – 2011
Screenplay by: Steve Knowles
Based on the novel by: J. K. Rowling
Directed by: David Yates
Starring:Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Ralph Fiennes, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman, Matthew Lewis, Warwick Davis, Michael Gambon, Jason Isaacs, Evanna Lynch, Maggie Smith, Julie Walters, John Hurt, Robbie Coltrane… and about a trillion others…
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[SPOILERS AHEAD] So here we are. 2011. The end of the end. No, not the apocalypse, but the final part of the final film in the indescribably popular seven novel/eight film Harry Potter juggernaut. This is it, muggles – the end of many people's childhood (well, until interactive website Pottermore goes live in October at least), the ultimate showdown: bespectacled outsider Harry Potter (Radcliffe) versus the serpentine dark lord Voldemort (Fiennes). The Boy Who Lived, come to die...

I'm almost embarrassed to admit it now, but a decade ago, prior to the globally anticipated release of Chris Columbus' nauseatingly saccharine Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone adaptation, I really didn't imagine us getting to this late stage with still this much – if not more – fevered fanfare for the seventh sequel in the boy wizard series.

Don't misunderstand me, it wasn't because I didn't like J. K. Rowling's novels (I certainly did – and still do) or because I had little faith in the big screen conversions, but simply because I couldn't imagine the public sticking with a saga for that many closely-released instalments without losing interest or the quality dwindling as the young actors were replaced every two or three films and the magic was lost (this was definitely suggested at an early stage in the production – seriously glad they never followed that idea through). I guess I was, in my 17 year old mind, aligning the Harry Potter franchise alongside bargain bucket pap like the latter Police Academy drivel. Boy was I naïve...

But I've grown a lot, learned a lot and watched a lot since 2001, and I can now fully comprehend why these mesmerizing magical marvels have so enraptured a generation of children and adults alike. As the loose-end-tying encore, it was nigh-on guaranteed that Deathly Hallows Part Two would go out with an almighty bang – and in that sense this epic conclusion certainly does not disappoint: from a break-neck break-in to Bellatrix Lestrange's (Bonham Carter) private vault at Gringotts to a rallying of the troops prior to the last stand against He Who Shall Not Be Named's army of rabid Death Eaters, this fourth David Yates-directed instalment is almost non-stop action!

Picking up the frantic pace immediately from where 2010's Part One (reviewed HERE) pressed pause, and despite covering just a third of the final novel's plot, Part Two's opening Bank raid still feels curiously rushed – and far too easy for a trio of students to achieve given the elevated level of supernatural security that is supposedly meant to safeguard the community's fortunes against such invasions; even if Harry, Ron (Grint) and Hermoine's (Watson) ongoing hunt for the remaining Horcruxes which possess Voldemort's dissected soul is a worthy cause.

After spending a film out of their comfort zone wandering the real world, the return to the iconic safehouse that is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is a welcome one: even if the makeshift battleground does take one hell of a hammering as Voldemort and his cronies unleash all manner of dark magic on the former stronghold. But even if the towers tumble, our heroes come out of the fracas stronger than ever, with long-overdue character-defining moments for Professor McGonagall (Smith), Neville Longbottom (Lewis) and Mrs Weasley (Walters) inducing huge grins amidst the descending chaos.

And before you ask: yes, this final film is by far the darkest of them all – as if you hadn't guessed the trend years ago! Death, destruction and disfigurement, giant spiders, ghostly apparitions and freaky Voldemort-shaped fetus-thingies (brace yourselves, kids!) are all in ripe supply in this sumptuous-yet-brutal clash of good versus evil.

Warwick Davis in a dual role as both Griphook the Goblin and Professor Flitwick is granted more screentime than ever, while Ron and Hermoine's sophomore visit to the Chamber of Secrets, the return of the Giants and acromantulas and flashback footage from previous films all help provide this epic send off with a unified retrospective veneer: it's great to see this dense and detailed universe come together one final time – and for a very vital occasion!

But despite the grandiose of the fancy fireworks, I was actually more impressed by the film's rare quieter moments: two stand out scenes for me were shady Snape's (Rickman) belated redemption via a very revealing saga-spanning final dive into the memory reviewing Pensieve and Harry's emotional pre-face off pep talk from his dearly departed guardian angels. Alexandre Desplat's resonant and haunting orchestration provides a potent soundtrack to these more personable and reflective breathing spaces.

A lack of coherence in deducing how many Horcruxes remain to be destroyed (is Voldemort's pet snake Nagini or Harry himself the final one - or is it somehow both?), a lack of suspense as a wand-blasted Harry leaps out of Hagrid's (Coltrane – underused) arms and back from the “dead”, and a slightly anticlimactic future-set epilogue (yes, it's Harry's journey come full circle, but it's hardly spectacular stuff) are but minor gripes in an otherwise storming send off to J. K. Rowling's spectucular empire. Shame it had to end, really...


In a CR@B Shell: It's not perfect, but Deathly Hallows Part Two is a valiant, glossy and passionate conclusion to a truly remarkable ten year cinematic broom-ride. Our lightening-scarred guide to the joys and horrors of the wizarding world has come a long way since he emerged from that cupboard under the stairs – and you can't deny you haven't enjoyed watching him; even if his first two adventures do seem mighty twee when compared to the darkness that followed...
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Pottering About

Cine Review: HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART ONE
12A – 146mins – 2010
Screenplay by: Steve Kloves
Based on the novel by: J. K. Rowling
Directed by: David Yates
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Ralph Fiennes, Helena Bonham Carter, Bill Nighy, Brendan Gleeson, Jason Isaacs, Imelda Staunton, Alan Rickman, Rhys Ifans, John Hurt, Robbie Coltrane… I could go on…
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[SPOILERS*] With an adaptation as colossal and anticipated as Harry Potter – the concluding novel, no less – you are never going to please everyone. From exorcised scenes and streamlined plot points to suspiciously missing characters and limited screen time for big name stars, someone will always find something in director David Yates’s big screen interpretation which doesn’t quite align with their vision of J. K. Rowling’s mammoth seventh tome.

Prior to viewing the film last night, I had cautiously read a couple of reviews – both from reliably renowned mainstream publications, both with ruthlessly average final verdicts – which picked up on Deathly Hallows Part One’s lack of structure in comparison to the previous Hogwarts-framed instalments. Well, ummm, yeah, well spotted Total Empire, that’s kind of the whole point of this story!

Following the death of his wizened headmaster at Half Blood Prince’s downbeat climax, Harry Potter (with ever-loyal bezzie mates Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger in tow) leaves behind the comfort of the enchanted School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to survive in the harsh terrain of a real world which is out for his blood, all the while searching for seven Horcrux McGuffins which contain segments of the soul of his deadly arch nemesis.

This isn’t a Quidditch match against Slytherin where no matter how awkwardly you fall off your broom Madame Pompfrey will be present to mend your broken bones: this is serious, this is dark and this is depressing. The kids have grown up (note the six o’clock stubble, hormonal outbursts, and – during one nightmarish divination – a topless clinch between Harry and Hermione), their guiding lights have been extinguished and their families far away – the cruelties and mysteries of the outside life are present for them to battle and demystify all by themselves.

Surely, if indeed there is a lack of structure then it is fully intentional: on the cusp of adulthood, these kids are thrust into the biggest challenge of their already taxing lives, totally unsure of how to progress. They’re outcast and running blind with no clue of where to search, what the Horcruxes look like or how to destroy them and weaken He Who Shall Not Be Named. It’s all luck and guess work, but still they soldier on against the odds.

Thus, tempers are rising, mistakes are made and wild goose chases ensue; but they still have a purpose, and with Voldemort’s evil army growing ever stronger and even the once impenetrable Ministry of Magic falling foul of his Pureblood propaganda, it is comforting to know that there are still two people Master Potter can trust – even if it clearly isn’t film critics…

I couldn’t help but smile knowingly at scripter Steve Kloves’s numerous call-backs to previous adventures, truly knitting the saga together like never before, none more so than when House elf Dobby reappears after four film’s absence, sporting a dirty pillowcase gown and pair of trainers. But parents of young Muggles be warned: this is not a cuddly and sweet tale and any humour and joy is soon overshadowed by darkness.

Brace yourselves for backstabbing, treachery, destruction, torture, disfigurement, bloodshed and more deaths than you can shake a wand at (one of which, in particular, upset me more on screen than it did on the page). The film’s colour palette is varying shades of grey and the atmosphere is cold, inhospitable and full of despair – even Bill and Fleur’s colourful wedding celebrations are marred by a Death Eater attack.

Yet despite the unrelenting fear and hopelessness, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One is still a thoroughly enjoyable experience. You become so caught up in this fully realised world that it never feels like the film is dragging, or that too little of the story is being stretched to breaking point. Ignore any mad-eyed and moody journalists who disagree. Indeed, a number of uproarious and high-octane set-pieces splendidly counteract the subdued consternation of the Horcrux hunt.

With the credits rolling on a cliffhanger which hangs in Voldemort’s favour, I for one cannot wait to see how David Yates surpasses this emotional extravaganza with Potter’s final bow next summer.


In a CR@B Shell: Bleak, gloomy and disquieting, but oh-so-entertaining nonetheless. Don’t listen to the critical naysayers; Death Hallows Part One is a gripping, exhausting and unrepentant adult fantasy adventure.
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* On the off chance that someone, somewhere – perhaps holed up in Azkaban? – still hasn’t read the books yet…

Ode to a Rowling Yarn

DVD Review: PERCY JACKSON & THE LIGHTNING THIEF
PG – 118mins – 2010
Screenplay by: Craig Titley
Adapted from the novel by: Rick Riordan
Directed by: Chris Columbus
Starring: Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Jake Abel, Catherine Keener, Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Steve Coogan, Uma Thurman, Rosario Dawson, Kevin McKidd
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A jumble of A-list Hollywood thesps play second fiddle to spellbinding CGI wizardry and a gaggle of up-and-coming youngsters contending with domestic woe, stacks of homework, the onset of puberty and saving the very-world-as-we-know-it in the origin story of this thinly veiled walkthrough of The Hero’s Journey, adapted from a multi-novel tween fantasy saga by director Chris Columbus.

Anyone else getting an uncanny sense of déjà vu?!

I’m surprised they didn’t go the whole hog(warts) and rename this multi-million dollar franchise kick-starter The Chronicles of Eragon Potter & the Copyright Thief. Frankly, it would have been more subtle than this sign-posted video-game quest around modern American and beyond, as the 21st Century - iPods, pop music et al - clashes awkwardly with the mighty tunic-wearing gods of Mount Olympus .

The catalyst to epic adventure in novelist Rick Rirodan’s series is that Zeus’s (Sean Bean) iconic lightning bolt has been stolen, and he is pointing his giant finger of blame at brother Poseidon’s (Kevin McKidd) earthly son, Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman), who is completely unaware that his father is the god of the ocean and that is the real reason why he suffers from dyslexia and ADHD and can survive underwater for seven minutes without breathing. If only that were true of everyone, huh?

A mere moment after his godly heritage is revealed to him and he is rushed from a confrontation with "Archetypal Enemy Test #1" to the woodland safety of Camp Half Blood , Percy is ready to take on anyone or anything. Accompanied by his Satyr – that’s the PC term for a half man, half goat – protector and best mate, Grover (Brandon T. Jackson), and future love interest, Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario), Percy must battle a medley of mythological monstrosities on his way to collecting a trio of Persephone’s pearls (handily deposited around the US & highlighted on a Maraude- sorry, magical map), to gain access to and from the Underworld and prove to Hades (Steve Coogan) that the eponymous demigod has not stolen Zeus’s phallic MacGuffin, so can he please release Percy’s imprisoned mortal mother (Catherine Keener) and not fuel an epic war between the irritable Grecian beefcakes?

*Phew* Can I breathe now?!
As you can imagine from such an overblown and longwinded plot, this film cuts out any surplus character set-up in the name of a bum-friendly runtime. As a result, the pre-reveal backstory of the Ordinary World passes in a hyperactive blur (ironic given Percy’s affliction) of winged Furies, goat legs and Minotaur attacks, which the character accepts and adapts too a little too smoothly. Once the trio are on the road and free of disabled-professor-come-centaur Mr. Brunner (Pierce Brosnan), the pace is relentless, fizzing from dizzying set-piece to set-piece as Uma Thurman’s icy Medusa and a multi-headed Hydra are despatched far-too-easily by the teen’s newly acquired pen-sword, water-commanding superpowers and some strictly choreographed teamwork, on their way to the Underworld, the entrance to which is located underneath the Hollywood sign…

One ordeal of note is the teen’s stop off in Las Vegas , where the lair of the Lotus Eaters is masquerading as a high-end casino. The trio are bewitched by the spells secreted when they eat the exotic flower, intoxicating them with an urge to stay and gamble their lives away. This was a commendable scene for a child-targeted mythological fantasy flick, given the obvious allegorical parallels to the danger of drug abuse and gambling addiction (all set, predictably, to Lady GaGa’s mega-hit “Poker Face”). It certainly made me sit up and take notice, even if the change of tone made the scene feel totally out of place sandwiched between encounters with the archetypal enemies of old.

I hope I haven’t mislead you, dear CR@B fan, into thinking I could barely tolerate Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief? Granted, it is unashamedly hackneyed and there were some groan-worthy moments along the way (the licences taken with Greek mythology did induce a number of eye rolls). However, if I am to take this adaptation for what it is then it is far from a failure; and let’s face it, I’m hardly the core audience. It was predictable, effects-reliant nonsense, sure, but adequately entertaining predictable effects-reliant nonsense. It didn’t break any new ground, but I did break a smile on a number of occasions, particularly when cocksure Grover was wisecracking. Plus, any film where Steve Coogan is playing Hades as a leather-clad send-up of Mick Jagger has got to be worth at least a rent.

I can’t get no satisfaction; but my expectations were pitched as such that I wasn’t dissatisfied by Chris Columbus’s Potter-lite fantasy/adventure, either.


CR@B Verdict: A fun if formulaic piece of fancily-decorated, family-friendly fluff. Percy Jackson adequately ticks all the right boxes but falls far short of capturing an ounce of the wonderment of J.K. Rowling's juggernaut it is so heavily derivative of.
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