Victory Loves Preparation

DVD Review: THE MECHANIC
15 – 88mins – 2011
Screenplay by: Richard Wenk and Lewis John Carlino
Based on the 1972 film written by: Lewis John Carlino
Directed by: Simon West
Starring: Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Tony Goldwyn, Donald Sutherland, Jeff Chase, Mini Anden, James Logan, John McConnell
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[SPOILERS] A conventional and unspectacular remake of a 70s action-thriller from the Death Wish duo of Charles Bronson and director Michael “Calm down, dear” Winner, The Mechanic 2011 is exactly what you expect from a film headlined by the star of The Transporter; its taut runtime exploding with a salvo of hit men, guns, cars, babes, fist fights and stunts – played out by a bunch of cold-hearted thugs who would sooner strike you than strike up a conversion.

Statham plays the eponymous Arthur Bishop, for whom connivance and compassion are foreign concepts. He’s an elite gun-for-hire who “fixes” his clients’ problems by making wanted men’s deaths look like accidents. However, the assassin starts to develop a conscience when his next target is his mentor and only friend, Harry McKenna (Sutherland), whose wayward son Steve (Foster) Arthur decides to take under his wing and teach the tricks of his undercover trade.

Foster – who very much reminded me of Ryan Half Nelson Gosling – does a convincing turn as the hot-headed and impulsive waster for whom Arthur has a remarkable amount of patience. Arthur is tied by a sense of duty to his deceased comrade (which, of course, contradicts the fact it was him who pulled the trigger), but Steve really pushes his luck with his mutinous antics in lethal scenarios. You really do wonder why a pro of Arthur’s calibre would risk his reputation by leaving his assignments in the hands of an undependable student.

Considering the clean and delicate nature of their shady business (most of which involves being an invisible-but-deadly presence), the climactic manhunt for the Mechanic’s corrupt Agency chief Dean (Goldwyn) is a surprisingly ostentatious carnival of violence and destruction – on the streets of New Orleans in the middle of the day! Clearly all composure and cunning fly out the window (and abseil down a skyscraper) when you discover your boss is a dangerous double-crossing deviant. Dishonesty? In their line of work? Who would have thunk it?!

But any hope that working together to eliminate a common target would unify our pair of trigger-happy protagonists is but a pipe dream in the viewer’s imagination, as Steve learns the truth about Arthur’s role in his father’s murder and sets out to avenge his death. Three explosions but zero character development (in fact, if anything, Arthur regresses to a new immoral low) see this run-of-the-mill thriller go out with a visual bang – but a severe lack of substance means the adrenaline soon fades, alongside any memory of The Mechanic.


In a CR@B Shell: Playing a minor variation on his renowned underworld delivery driver, Statham was a predictable choice for the lead – and this is The Mechanic’s biggest glitch: it’s too content playing to type that it fails to evolve or astonish. Simon West’s remake is loud, watchable but ultimately forgettable post-pub pap.
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Sly and the Family Stocky

Cine Review: THE EXPENDABLES
15 – 103mins – 2010
Story by: David Callaham
Screenplay by: David Callaham and Sylvester Stallone
Directed by: Sylvester Stallone
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Eric Roberts, Gisele Itié, David Zayas, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Charisma Carpenter, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis
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In a balls-out, idol-starring, action beat ‘em up extravaganza up like The Expendables, does anybody really give two hoots about the plot? You know, the talky bits in-between the blood letting, bone crushing, car chasing and cameo spotting. No? Thought not. Okay, well I’ll make this as quick as I can then:

The film is named after a team of tough guy mercenaries, lead by Barney Ross (Stallone), who all have skills in different types of combat: martial arts (Li), blades (Statham), weapons (Crews), bombs (Couture) and sniper rifles (Lundgren). The Expendables are hired by the enigmatic “ Mr Church ” (Willis) to overthrow a dictator (Zayas) on the fictional Mexican island of Vilena .

Much fighting, exploding and rescuing ensues as the team realise “Mr Church” isn’t who they believed him to be, and Vilena is actually under the control of ex-CIA agent James Munroe (Roberts), who has recruited Lundgren’s aggrieved ex-Expendable, Jensen, to work alongside his henchmen Paine (Austin) and The Brit (Daniels) and take the dictator’s daughter (Itié) hostage.

If that lost you then you need to go back to school – but fear not: you’ll still be cheering at the frantic action, sniggering at the team’s torrent of spiky banter (“It’s not easy being green,” “He wants to be President,” “That’s a statement,” “Warning shot!”) and dribbling with sadistic glee as digital blood splatters the walls, the body count rises exponentially and planes destroy harbours in floods of flames. Forget narrative logic, this is one visceral and testosterone pumped thrill ride – and that’s what people came for, right? That, and Schwarzenegger’s sixty scene-stealing seconds.

In a film not exactly celebrated for its acting talent (muscles and star power are definitely the bigger draw), comeback king Mickey Rourke – under an ultraviolet lamp with the camera zoomed in close to his quivering lips and tear-drenched eyes – delivers an astonishingly heart wrenching monologue as former teammate Tool, about turning his back on a woman’s suicide in Bosnia. The scene is unlike anything else in The Expendables, and it adds a glimmer of substance to the shallow OTT spectacle.

Not that there’s anything wrong with shallow OTT spectacle; the film truly explodes to life the minute a punch is thrown, a shabbily CGI-ed fire is ignited or a bullet is shot, but it is in the quieter moments (Rourke’s monologue aside) that the film looses its edge and you just wait for it all to kick off again.

Regrettably, even with their alleged “specialities” the characters are all very much of a muchness and if they weren’t all über famous action stars, you’d have trouble telling muscle from muscle. You may even say they're all *whisper it* expendable...


CR@B Verdict: Booms, bangs, blades, bullets, brawls, banter, blood, baaaaad CGI, a bevy of bad-ass action stars and a definite whiff of brie – The Expendables is the ultimate “B” movie. It won’t be to everybody’s taste, but if you go in expecting nothing more accomplished, you won’t be disappointed.
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