Unnatural Selection

DVD Review: THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU
12 – 92mins – 1996
Screenplay by: Ron Hutchinson and Walon Green
Based on the novel by: H. G. Wells
Directed by: John Frankenheimer
Starring: Marlon Brando, Val Kilmer, David Thewlis, Fairuza Balk, Daniel Rigney, Temuera Morrison, Ron Perlman, Nelson de la Rosa
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[SPOILERS] In my July review of the 1977 Don Taylor directed adap of H. G. Wells’ philosophically-driven sci-fi horror story (which you can read HERE) I confessed to having a far fonder remembrance of this highly criticized ‘90s realisation than the less-than-stellar general consensus. For the record, having now re-watched the film on DVD, I would like to unequivocally retract my statement, for The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996) is utter horseshit.

Frankly, it’s a miracle the film ever got completed: The original director was fired, an egotistical Val Kilmer curiously requested to have his role cut in half (and thus was given a different character to portray), replacement director John Frankenheimer brought in new screenwriters to drastically alter the direction of the film midway through production, he clashed with the difficult cast who lost all motivation to learn their lines and David Thewlis (hired late in the day as the second replacement for the role vacated by Kilmer) ended up rewriting his character's lines himself!

Riddle Me That

Blu Review: BATMAN FOREVER
12 – 121mins – 1995
Story by: Lee Batchler and Janet Scott-Batchler
Screenplay by: Lee Batchler, Janet Scott-Batchler and Akiva Goldsman
Based on the characters created by: Bob Kane and Bill Finger
Directed by: Joel Schumacher
Starring: Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman, Chris O’Donnell, Michael Gough, Pat Hingle, Drew Barrymore, Debi Mazar, Ed Begley Jnr.
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Congratulations to Ian Montgomery for deciphering the correct answer to my prior-posted riddle (reacquaint yourselves HERE); alas, I've no prize to give away except the pride for being right. The rather obvious answer was, of course, Batman Forever, and my microcosmic brain-teaser ushers in the second in my sporadic and unchronological blitz through Bat flicks old and new which I began last month with Batman & Robin (read my long-but-fair review HERE, if you dare!).

The second sequel to Tim Burton’s 1989 gothic big screen introduction, Forever is unofficially regarded as the beginning of the end of the first anthology of Bat-busters: Burton was reduced to producer and Joel Schumacher brought in as director because studio heads at Warner Bros. were concerned that 1992’s Returns was too dark and the mood needed lightening (a decision they thoroughly regretted some two years later when B&R’s dire reception lead to the canning of proposed fifth film Batman Triumphant).

Previous lead Michael Keaton (wisely) jumped ship and Val Kilmer was brought in – without reading the script in must be noted, leading to many an on-set conflict and the need to replace him for B&R – as the billionaire with a penchant for violent do-gooding. Despite playing Harvey Dent in Batman, Billy Dee Williams wasn’t even considered for the role of the disfigured D.A. “Two Face” here, the dubious honour instead going to Tommy Lee Jones. Michael Gough as butler Alfred and Pat Hingle as Commissioner Gordon returned as reassurance that we are still in the same diegetic universe.

Prior to my rewatching of Batman & Robin, I did actually attempt to watch Forever first, sticking on the disc one evening in the hope of rekindling my childhood love of the film. I say attempt because I didn’t even get beyond eccentric inventor Edward Nygma’s (Jim Carrey) brain-draining murder of his boss, Fred Stickley (Ed Begley Jnr.), before my irritation reached fever pitch and I turned it off. The juxtaposition between moody and mad just didn’t sit well with me – at least B&R knew it was camp frivolity and never attempted to be anything else, whereas I found Forever to be awkwardly stuck between darkness and lighthearted.

Last week, however, I prepared myself and made it all the way through. In fact, I re-evaluated my exasperation because I realised how ironically apt it is that a film which deals with a menagerie of duplicitous and delusional wack-jobs is indeed a schizophrenic beast itself. “Two Face” is the literal visualisation of this juxtaposition, but Edward Nygma is also a genius with an unpredictably psychotic alter ego in “The Riddler”, and Bruce Wayne himself is a respected businessman who plays vigilante superhero dressed as a giant Bat. It’s no wonder a psychologist (Kidman's Dr. Chase Meridian) is playing the love interest with all these dual natures running rampant!

Fans bemoaned the bringing in of orphan Dick Grayson, AKA. sidekick Robin (Chris O’Donnell) – particularly because O’Donnell was too old for the “Boy Wonder” role – but I think this was handled well, even if it could be argued that Batman works better alone and doesn’t need a kid to assist him! The circus-based murder of Dick’s family at the hands of “Two Face” nicely mirrored Bruce’s pain of watching his own parent’s being shot down, while dressing the Flying Grayson’s in the same garish outfit which the camp 60’s TV version of Robin donned was a neat little in-joke (so too the tongue-in-cheek line “Holey rusted metal, Batman!”).

While the age-old movie complaint of “How the hell could these people afford all this equipment, costumes and interior renovations?!” does diminish the believability of The Riddler’s elaborate plan to drain Gotham’s brain-power and harness it for himself using his hi-tech Nymatech headgear (seriously, the giant construction and climactic island locale just appeared out of nowhere, already constructed and fully operational), but a number of vast script alterations mid-production did cut the film from a bum-numbing 2hours 40mins to the 121minute mark, so it is likely that a lot of exposition was lost in the chop.

Whether Joel Schumacher’s fabled Director’s Cut (missing from this otherwise decently thorough Blu-ray set) would successfully smooth over the jolts in tone (quipping one liners one minute to mournful moody reflection the next) remains to be seen, but what we are left with isn’t a complete shambles, it just fails to hit the heights of Burton’s pitch-black predecessors while slowly ushering in the toyetic exuberance which temporarily killed off the franchise in a blaze of neon inanity.


In a CR@B Shell: Uneven and dualistic in tone, Batman Forever is neither spectacular nor unwatchable (provided you’re prepared for the change in direction), but it is often awkward in its uncertainty of how sinister or zany to be – a flaw which is just as much the studio’s fault as it is Schumacher’s.
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Pound Some Cunth

DVD Review: MACGRUBER
15 – 90mins – 2010
Written by: Will Forte, John Solomon, Jorma Taccone
Directed by: Jorma Taccone
Starring: Will Forte, Kristen Wiig, Ryan Phillippe, Val Kilmer, Powers Boothe, Maya Rudolph
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Imagine, if you dare, that Ace Ventura has called a day to his illustrious career as a critter cop and decided to become a mercenary special operative instead. And grow a mullet. Stranger things have happened (like Ace Ventura Jnr. for one… *shudder*). Alllllllllrighty then? Now you’ve got a pretty good idea of what to expect from MacGruber, and it sure ain’t Shakespeare.

Raucous lunacy would be an apposite phrase to use – but in a positive manner. Provided you’re prepared for an 80’s-spoofing action parody then you will have an absolute blast with this wise-cracking loose canon who has a rather distorted opinion of his own awesomeness and a penchant for repeating his favourite quips until they become catchphrases.

The single monikered one-man-army – the brainchild of former Saturday Night Live-er Will Forte, who also embodies the character – is brought out of self-imposed exile (à la When Nature Calls) to stop a dangerous nuclear arms dealer (Val Kilmer) who just so happens to be the same Cunth (yep, that’s really his name: Dieter Von Cunth) who blew up MacGruber’s wife-to-be (Maya Rudolph) on their wedding day.

Admittedly, not every gag hits the spot, but there are so many thrown at the screen that some were bound to fly by unnoticed. However, those that do work will seriously have you howling. Personal favourites of this CR@B include: the fate of MacGruber’s self-selected elite team of experts; his insistence on role-reversal dress-up; and his obsessive personally which sees him carry his treasured tape-playing car stereo everywhere and go bat-shit crazy at a motorist who innocently cuts him up.

Basically, MacGruber is one hell of a personality, and the film would have been an absolute disaster if Forte wasn’t so attuned to his unorthodox… baloney. Like Jim Carrey’s iconic pet detective, he’s a law unto himself but he somehow gets results and the girl (Kristen Wiig). His creative use of celery sticks and spur-of-the-moment “plans” (“That isn’t a plan then!” blasts Phillippe’s by-the-book rookie) are either nonsense or utter genius. Either way, they’re hilarious.

My initial apprehension that a more universally familiar actor such as Owen Wilson (admit it, they do look alike) would have helped carry the film more effectively was instantly alleviated. You’ll either hate MacGruber, or you’ll love to hate MacGruber, but rest assured that if the title of this review was enough to raise a puerile grin, then chances are you’ll wolf down this generous serving of Mac and cheese.


In a CR@B Shell: He’s armed and dangerous, but you wouldn’t trust him with a weapon. Luckily, MacGruber is such a tool he’s an American hero, and the same can be said for this hysterical send-up which is so bad it’s bad ass.
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