Shut up, Crime!

Blu Review: SUPER
18 – 92mins – 2010
Written by: James Gunn
Directed by: James Gunn
Starring: Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, Kevin Bacon, Liv Tyler, Gregg Henry, Michael Rooker, Andre Royo, Sean Gunn, Stephen Blakehart, Nathan Fillion, Linda Cardellini, Rob Zombie
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The second film I’ve watched in a fortnight which takes its bow on home video despite the kind of considerable star clout you would normally expect to carry a film to multiplexes with ease. But while The Resident (reviewed HERE) was a genre flick from an iconic studio which was overshadowed by a bigger hitter, James Gunn’s Super is a positively tiny indie production so audacious and unpredictable it borders on schizophrenic, which also suffers from being released in the trail of a major blazer with a spookily analogous concept.*

Super is another ordinary-sap-decides-to-fight-crime-in-a-homemade-outfit comedy – although when I say comedy I do mean it in the blackest sense imaginable; seriously, the ‘18’ rating is well and truly earned here with a torrent of uber-violent, uber-profane and uber-uncomfortable scenes which are just as likely to make your jaw drop as chuckle in amusement. Rainn “Dwight Schrute” Wilson is perfectly pitiable as Frank D’Arbo, a bitter and enraged sad sack who takes the law into his own hands after his junkie wife Sarah (Tyler) runs off with conceited dealer Jacques (Bacon).

Inspired by a religious TV mascot (Nathan Fillion cameoing as “The Holy Avenger”) and touched by the “Finger of God” (voiced by Rob Zombie) in a surreal dream sequence involving a lobotomy and alien tentacles borrowed straight out of Gunn’s 2006 tongue-in-cheek sci-fi Slither, Frank believes it is his destiny to become “The Crimson Bolt”, a superhero with absolutely no super powers whatsoever, but a startling proclivity for smashing small time criminals around the head - with a monkey wrench. The scene in which he crushes the skulls of two queue jumpers at a movie theatre is both hysterical and disturbing in its graphic excessiveness.

The brilliant Ellen Page (Smart People, Whip It!, Inception) is as infectiously exuberant as ever as comic-store-clerk-cum- kid-sidekick “Boltie” (real name Libby). Her enthusiasm to join Frank's questionably delusional cause veers from excitable to dangerously unsettling yet it's hard to see her as anything but adorable (well, except in one scene...) and she frequently steals the show (“What the fuck's a 'Robin' anyway?!”).

As this frankly atrocious crime fighting duo ransack the town in their quest to keep the streets clean of scum (“Don't steal! Don't deal drugs! Don't molest kids! You don't butt!”) the comedy ranges from the raucous to the awkward – this is, after all, a real world diegesis where they look like twats and can't fight for shit – but as the film heads for its climax and Frank sets out to win back Sarah from Jacques' drug-peddling clutches the death toll rises exponentially as, somewhat contradictorily, the film reveals its very human heart.

Crucially, no matter how diabolically brutal the ass kicking or excessive the gore (and, trust me, it is), you're still willing Frank to win; to overturn injustice and make something of his depressing and uninteresting little life. Super certainly isn't for everyone: you'll either love the savagery or be appalled by it, but after watching this last night and initially grading it with an ambivalent “3 ticks” my appreciation grew throughout today and I'm now looking back on its kooky, outlandish qualities with inflated affection. "The Crimson Bolt" and "Boltie" will definitely be getting a second spin in this CR@B's crib.


In a CR@B Shell: Barmy, brutal and sadist, yet concurrently gut-busting and bizarrely sympathetic, James Gunn's multifarious Super is a highly-strung and subversive off-beat treat for fans of twisted, insolent comedy – but it's definitely a perturbed little pup.
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* You already know which film I'm referring to, so I won’t mention it by name like EVERY other critic thus far has done, but I will link to my REVIEW, ever desperate am I for some cross promotion :-b

Riddle Me That

Blu Review: BATMAN FOREVER
12 – 121mins – 1995
Story by: Lee Batchler and Janet Scott-Batchler
Screenplay by: Lee Batchler, Janet Scott-Batchler and Akiva Goldsman
Based on the characters created by: Bob Kane and Bill Finger
Directed by: Joel Schumacher
Starring: Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman, Chris O’Donnell, Michael Gough, Pat Hingle, Drew Barrymore, Debi Mazar, Ed Begley Jnr.
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Congratulations to Ian Montgomery for deciphering the correct answer to my prior-posted riddle (reacquaint yourselves HERE); alas, I've no prize to give away except the pride for being right. The rather obvious answer was, of course, Batman Forever, and my microcosmic brain-teaser ushers in the second in my sporadic and unchronological blitz through Bat flicks old and new which I began last month with Batman & Robin (read my long-but-fair review HERE, if you dare!).

The second sequel to Tim Burton’s 1989 gothic big screen introduction, Forever is unofficially regarded as the beginning of the end of the first anthology of Bat-busters: Burton was reduced to producer and Joel Schumacher brought in as director because studio heads at Warner Bros. were concerned that 1992’s Returns was too dark and the mood needed lightening (a decision they thoroughly regretted some two years later when B&R’s dire reception lead to the canning of proposed fifth film Batman Triumphant).

Previous lead Michael Keaton (wisely) jumped ship and Val Kilmer was brought in – without reading the script in must be noted, leading to many an on-set conflict and the need to replace him for B&R – as the billionaire with a penchant for violent do-gooding. Despite playing Harvey Dent in Batman, Billy Dee Williams wasn’t even considered for the role of the disfigured D.A. “Two Face” here, the dubious honour instead going to Tommy Lee Jones. Michael Gough as butler Alfred and Pat Hingle as Commissioner Gordon returned as reassurance that we are still in the same diegetic universe.

Prior to my rewatching of Batman & Robin, I did actually attempt to watch Forever first, sticking on the disc one evening in the hope of rekindling my childhood love of the film. I say attempt because I didn’t even get beyond eccentric inventor Edward Nygma’s (Jim Carrey) brain-draining murder of his boss, Fred Stickley (Ed Begley Jnr.), before my irritation reached fever pitch and I turned it off. The juxtaposition between moody and mad just didn’t sit well with me – at least B&R knew it was camp frivolity and never attempted to be anything else, whereas I found Forever to be awkwardly stuck between darkness and lighthearted.

Last week, however, I prepared myself and made it all the way through. In fact, I re-evaluated my exasperation because I realised how ironically apt it is that a film which deals with a menagerie of duplicitous and delusional wack-jobs is indeed a schizophrenic beast itself. “Two Face” is the literal visualisation of this juxtaposition, but Edward Nygma is also a genius with an unpredictably psychotic alter ego in “The Riddler”, and Bruce Wayne himself is a respected businessman who plays vigilante superhero dressed as a giant Bat. It’s no wonder a psychologist (Kidman's Dr. Chase Meridian) is playing the love interest with all these dual natures running rampant!

Fans bemoaned the bringing in of orphan Dick Grayson, AKA. sidekick Robin (Chris O’Donnell) – particularly because O’Donnell was too old for the “Boy Wonder” role – but I think this was handled well, even if it could be argued that Batman works better alone and doesn’t need a kid to assist him! The circus-based murder of Dick’s family at the hands of “Two Face” nicely mirrored Bruce’s pain of watching his own parent’s being shot down, while dressing the Flying Grayson’s in the same garish outfit which the camp 60’s TV version of Robin donned was a neat little in-joke (so too the tongue-in-cheek line “Holey rusted metal, Batman!”).

While the age-old movie complaint of “How the hell could these people afford all this equipment, costumes and interior renovations?!” does diminish the believability of The Riddler’s elaborate plan to drain Gotham’s brain-power and harness it for himself using his hi-tech Nymatech headgear (seriously, the giant construction and climactic island locale just appeared out of nowhere, already constructed and fully operational), but a number of vast script alterations mid-production did cut the film from a bum-numbing 2hours 40mins to the 121minute mark, so it is likely that a lot of exposition was lost in the chop.

Whether Joel Schumacher’s fabled Director’s Cut (missing from this otherwise decently thorough Blu-ray set) would successfully smooth over the jolts in tone (quipping one liners one minute to mournful moody reflection the next) remains to be seen, but what we are left with isn’t a complete shambles, it just fails to hit the heights of Burton’s pitch-black predecessors while slowly ushering in the toyetic exuberance which temporarily killed off the franchise in a blaze of neon inanity.


In a CR@B Shell: Uneven and dualistic in tone, Batman Forever is neither spectacular nor unwatchable (provided you’re prepared for the change in direction), but it is often awkward in its uncertainty of how sinister or zany to be – a flaw which is just as much the studio’s fault as it is Schumacher’s.
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Frosty Foes and Stem Fatales

Blu Review: BATMAN & ROBIN
PG – 128mins – 1997
Written by: Akiva Goldsman
Based on the characters created by: Bob Kane
Directed by: Joel Schumacher
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, Chris O’Donnell, Uma Thurman, Alica Silverstone, Michael Gough, Pat Hingle, Elle Macpherson, John Glover, Jeep Swenson
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Inspired by fellow movie review blogger Andy Buckle’s recent “Worst Film of All Time” post, in which 1997’s much maligned Batman & Robin claimed the dubious honour of pole position (check out the article HERE and why not stay for a nose around?), I decided it was high time I unwrapped the cellophane from my dust-collecting Blu-ray copy and gave the film which temporarily derailed the Bat-chise a belated re-watch.

I can remember seeing the film on the big screen when it was first released some 14 years ago and I must have enjoyed it (hey, I was only 13!) as I asked a relative to buy it for me – along with the rest of the series – on VHS that Christmas. I only re-bought personal favourite Batman Returns on DVD, but when I upgraded to Blu-ray, all four (and later six) live action Bat-flicks were high on my list of hi-def purchases. I can’t even claim that this clunker was a redundant disc within a box set: I purchased them all separately!

To give the Joel Schumacher-helmed flop its dues; it does look mighty fine in HD – but then the neon-hued megalithic Gotham sets are impressively vibrant creations; Tim Burton’s towering and intimidating gothic designs exaggerated to the verge of hyperbole. That, essentially, is Batman & Robin’s downfall: it is everything that worked in restrained measures in previous instalments ramped up to embarrassingly uninhibited levels.

Main adversary Mr Freeze (Schwarzenegger; granted top billing above the eponymous rodent), for example, isn’t just an eccentric villain with a score to settle, replete with a distinctive disguise and a sardonic sense of humour, oh no: he’s a flat out caricature of a maniacal madman with a clunky metallic suit, blue skin and an inability to speak without spouting the cheesiest ice-based puns known to man (“Ice to see you”, “You’re not sending me to the cooler”, “What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!” – I could go on!).

Back in 1997, adult Bat-fans desperate for a new live action adventure were stunned into fury as they were pelted with over two hours of the naffest and least humorous “gags” this side of a farce – even the usually sombre protagonist (played awkwardly – for the first and last time – by ER heart-throb du jour Clooney) wasn’t immune to woeful wisecracks (“This is why Superman works alone”) and corny sight gags (the Bat-card, the rubber nipples) which pandered to a child’s mentality and left the hardcore legions out in the cold (oh god – now *I’m* doing it!).

If you were to look on Batman & Robin as a kid’s flick; it’s a madcap success, fusing the bright, the bold and the wacky into a comic-book world where mad scientists all look like Albert Einstein and dangerous chemicals come in vats with “VENOM” and a skull and cross bones printed on the front. That’s probably why I liked it at 13, but this is not what audiences were expecting – or wanting – from the tortured and tragic caped crusader who doesn’t have any super-powers but is impelled on the righteous path by brute vengeance.

If you go in prepared, it’s not *that* deplorable. Sure, it desecrates all over Tim Burton’s dark, stylised and unquestionably superior earlier instalments, but the fact that it is so unrelentingly frenzied does, in a way, make the madness more bearable: Batman & Robin knows it’s a tongue-in-cheek cartoon and it doesn’t even attempt to be anything else. Ultimate proof comes when O’Donnell’s Dick Grayson saves Silverstone’s Barbara Wilson from plummeting to her death after a superfluous high-rise motorbike race goes awry. The first words out of his mouth as they dangle perilously over the precipice? “So *this* is where you hang out?” Groan.

In the films defence, Akiva The Da Vinci Code Goldsman’s spirited plot is anything but lazy, endowing each member of the bulbous cast with a purpose and arc. Freeze wants to cure his cryogenically frozen bride from MacGregor’s syndrome, while an eco-friendly agenda blossoms behind Poison Ivy’s (Thurman; suitably sultry) green-fingered wrath. Ever loyal butler Alfred (Gough), meanwhile, is hiding his pain behind a staunch façade and his joy at being reunited with his secretly rebellious niece, while loathed sidekick Robin is sick and tired of living in the shadow of the Bat.

There’s certainly a lot going on for these people, yet still every shot is crammed to the hilt with blindingly effervescent lighting, grandiose buildings, pimped-up rides and an arsenal of Bat-toys which (handily) can foil anything Freeze and Ivy throw at the rubber-suited heroes (a heat ray to thaw ice? Check. Ice skates built into your boots? Check! Artificial lips to repel poison kisses? CHECK!). This optical assault is much to the detriment of any emotional narrative undertones, as even the most heart-wrenching drama (such as a dying Alfred’s reflections on a life serving the Wayne dynasty) is eclipsed by the bombastic and the ridiculous.


In a CR@B Shell: Viewed as a Saturday morning ‘toon for the under tens, Batman & Robin flies high as a cavalcade of camp comic book lunacy, but sat alongside Tim Burton’s dark knight-mares it’s a bat-shit, bird-brained embarrassment to the franchise which rightfully got sent straight to the cooler. Thank Gotham for Christopher Nolan!
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Teenage Mutant Hero Freakshow

Cine Review: X-MEN: FIRST CLASS
12A – 135mins – 2011
Story by: Bryan Singer and Sheldon Turner
Screenplay by: Ashley Edward Miller, Zack Stentz, Jane Goldman and Matthew Vaughn
Based on the comic book miniseries created by: Stan Lee, Jack Kirby and Chris Claremont
Directed by: Matthew Vaughn
Starring: James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Kevin Bacon, Rose Byrne, January Jones, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicholas Hoult, Zoë Kravitz, Caleb Landry Jones, Lucas Till, Edi Gathegi, Jason Flemyng, Álex González, Ray Wise, Oliver Platt
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Controversially, I have always had very much a take-them-or-leave-them attitude towards the big screen adventures of Marvel Comic’s popular mutant super squad: even the much-lauded X2 didn’t swing my opinion. In point of fact I fell asleep during X-Men: The Last Stand and to this day have yet to rewatch it, while the least well-received critically – X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I honestly didn’t mind, although I recognised it for the shallow blockbuster it was and nothing more.

X-Men: First Class however, as the title implies, is set before all of these – taking us right back to the very beginning; before Charles “Professor X” Xavier (McAvoy) was bald and before Erik “Magneto” Lehnsherr (Fassbender) was wrinkly, when the adversaries were friends united in the same cause before a rather monumentous difference of opinion regarding mutant-kind’s association with humans forced an X-shaped wedge between them which saw them take very divergent paths…

Set predominantly in the 1960s before a very real backdrop of the Cuban Missile Crisis, First Class sees Xavier and Lehnsherr fly around the globe recruiting those with unique superhuman abilities to join their resistance and live out and proud, in the shadows no more. During the two hour bonanza we are introduced to youthful depictions of “Mystique” (Lawrence), “The Beast” (Skins’ Hoult), “Angel” (Kravitz), “Banshee” (Landry Jones), “Havoc” (Till), “Darwin” (Gathegi), “Riptide” (González) and “Azazel” (Flemyng) – it’s quite an ensemble cast and some players get far more attention than others.

There are a cascade of ret-con explanations for how each of the character’s got their nicknames (it’s rather unspectacular to be honest), how “Magneto” came by his iconic metal helmet, how Xavier came to be paralysed and wheelchair-bound, and even a nifty cameo for a certain gnarled adamantium-clawed icon (whose origin has, of course, already been mauled to death).

They are the kind of fan-friendly winks to the audience which are neat when used sparingly but can get somewhat tiresome en mass. However, First Class compliments the call-backs (or should that be call-forwards?) with its own distinct story in its own distinct era. To claim it’s a reinvention or fresh start akin to Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins, however, is somewhat misrepresentative: this is very much the same Bryan Singer-produced X-verse, merely earlier.

Kevin Bacon mines his devious Hollow Man persona as former Nazi soldier turned megalomaniac mutant nemesis Sebastian Shaw who is hell-bent on causing nuclear war and bringing mankind to its knees. He isn’t quite as imposing or memorable as a comic book supervillian should be (particularly not when he surrounds himself with scantily clad lovely January Jones as Emma Frost), but you’ll certainly sympathise with vengeful Lehnsherr for wanting him dead.


In a CR@B Shell: Cooler and more collected than most hyperactive comic book blockbusters, X-Men: First Class manages to intertwine itself in the Marvel super-team’s expansive legacy whilst also telling a distinctive tale all its own. Whether we necessary needed a prequel, however, is something of a moot point…
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Puppy Power!

DVD Review: BOLT
PG – 96mins – 2009
Written by: Dan Fogelman and Chris Williams, with Byron Howard and Jared Stern
Directed by: Byron Howard and Chris Williams
Starring the voice talents of: John Travolta, Miley Cyrus, Susie Essman, Mark Walton, Malcolm McDowell, James Lipton, Greg Germann
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On the surface, this hyper-modern tale of a genetically enhanced superdog who can shoot lasers from his eyes, outrun speeding locomotives and bark loud enough to decimate motorways, sounds like a radically cool sci-fi twist on Disney's routine talking animal 'toon template.

But don't start yapping for joy just yet, folks, because unfortunately Bolt fails to reinvent the (hamster) wheel like its quirky premise promises. After a refreshingly erractic – and dare I be so complimentary? Avant garde – double bluff opening which triumphantly pulls you in two completely opposing directions, once the bombast has settled down you soon realise that you've seen this story a thousand times before.

You see, our eponymous pup (Travolta) may be a superstar, but he's only a superhero in his own mind. For Bolt is actually the lead in an action-packed hit TV show, but the powers-that-be behind the camera have made the curious decision to keep the truth of their scripted operation from their cute-but-courageous four-legged star, in order to extract a more realistic performance from their cash canine. I've heard of method acting but this takes the (doggy) biscuit!

Naturally, this causes no end of hassle in making sure that Bolt truly believes in this make believe reality where he fights off mysterious helmeted henchmen in his quest to take down his evil green-eyed nemesis, Dr Calico (McDowell), even when the cameras aren't rolling.

But when the deluded dog is accidentally let out of his trailer and separated from his co-star and young human owner, Penny (Cyrus), he is forced to confront the disheartening truth and comprehend his own mortality as he makes his way back to the Hollywood film lot he calls home through a real world which is so much more terrifying when you aren't the invincible hero you thought you were.

As you would expect, lessons are learnt, truths are told, faiths are regained and self-referential parent-pleasing quips are fired off, as Bolt treks from city-to-city in loyal search of “his person”, accompanied – as is the convention in these matters – by a couple of lovingly misunderstood sidekick “outcast” critters.

Meet Mittens, a cynical, de-clawed alley cat, and Rhino, an overweight TV-obsessed hamster in a transparent exercise ball. Mittens provides Bolt with the no-nonsense reality of his predicament, while dreamer Rhino is noteworthy only for his over-use of the word “awesome” (which, ironically, is anything but). He even hilariously (sic) evolves it into “be-awesome”, which is a whole syllable easier to say than 'beyond awesome', except it makes absolutely zero sense.

Annoying word use aside, the crux to Bolt's success is that once the high concept disguise is stripped away from this slick pup, all you are left with is just another syrupy sweet rite of passage Disney clone, straddled with the added disadvantage of requiring even more of a stretch of your imagination than usual.

The scriptwriting team don't exactly help themselves either by seemingly being unable to make up their minds regarding a rather major plot point. Is Bolt the biggest and most easily distinguishable celebri-dog since Lassie with billboards and merchandise in his image, or is he just another mutt with a lightening bolt painted on his fur who is not recognised by pigeons and gets thrown in the dog pound without a glance at his Hollywood engraved dog tag? Furthermore, if he's such a valuable asset to the TV network, then are we really supposed to believe that when he goes missing, the best advertising they can muster is Penny's crudely handwritten A4 poster?

No, I'm not barking mad (just a stickler for pedantry), and yes, I'm well aware that I'm looking far too deeply into a light-hearted family-focused animation, but as even the in-film executives at the Hollywood television studios understood: consistency helps build a believable universe, and without it, you're completely boned.


In a CR@B Shell: “Be-awesome” on the outside but less-than-pedigree on the inside, Bolt fails to innovate from Disney's rigid tradition, despite a wicked hook which sadly tails off after five thunderous and unconventional opening minutes. Doggone it.
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Boys and their Toys

Cine-review: IRON MAN 2
12A – 124 min. – 2010
Written by: Justin Theroux
Based on the characters created by: Stan Lee
Directed by: Jon Favreau
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Don Cheadle, Scarlett Johansson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mickey Rourke, Sam Rockwell, Samuel L. Jackson, Garry Shandling
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After a bleak and washed-out Russia-set prologue establishes the theme of fatherly vengeance fuelling physicist Ivan Vanko's (Mickey Rourke) violent motives for becoming electric-harnessing foe Whiplash, Jon Favereau's superhero sequel swiftly shifts gear into a totally different animal for the remainder of its two hour running time, hiding any sense of darkness under a bright and polished shell. Which, as it happens, is also a fair assessment of how we find billionaire man-behind-the-iron-mask Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) as he opens the “Stark Expo”, a year-long technological showcase, amid a blaze of fireworks and cheerleaders; fearful for his survival as the power source keeping his heart beating is slowly poisoning his body, yet all smiles, peace signs and self-assured sarcasm as the poster boy for America's peace: Iron Man.

Unfortunately, everybody isn't quite so in love with Stark as he is with himself: the Government – spearheaded by hot-headed Senator Stern (Garry Shandling) – is determined to take control of Stark's “weapon” for military use, while shameless rival Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) has tenacious plans to upstage the techno-suit and stick two fingers up at Stark by unveiling his own drone-like creations (think beefed-up Super Battle Droids from the Star Wars prequels) at the Expo, by any underhanded means necessary. Being the top dog is really important to these people.

Friend Jim Rhodes (Don Cheadle, replacing Terrence Howard from the first film) isn't always successful in keeping Stark's head in the game – or clear of alcohol – as Tony names former personal assistant Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) CEO of his company, then slowly goes off the rails towards self destruction. A riotous sequence as Rhodes dons his War Machine suit to butt heads with his drunken pal following a disastrous birthday party is a highlight in an otherwise talk-heavy, preparatory middle section as Tony returns to his Minority Report-style lab to battle with the elements and revitalise his uncooperative chest reactor, while Hammer secretly hires the scientific services of a scheming Vanko to mobilize his drone army for a flashy, high-flying conclusion.

The A-list cast are superb at putting the comic in this comic book adaptation; Downey Jr. emanates suit-ably elevated ego, while man mountain Rourke is a believably unpredictable threat and Rockwell is as shady as he is scatty. Scarlett Johansson smoulders as the secretary SHIELDing a secret identity, and even Favereau's chauffeur character, Happy Hogan, is a chucklesome success in an expanded role which sees his boxing training come in handy.

Beyond the buzzing banter, however, the explosive Monaco set-piece early in the plot is never bettered for sheer nail-biting tension, despite the filmmakers employing the 'bigger is better' approach to this entertaining CGI extravaganza. The busy finale ultimately wastes Whiplash's accumulated ferocity in an all-too-brief battle. When all is said, done and blown to smithereens, this big-budget follow-up boils down to a bunch of emasculated men vying to topple a superhuman idol in their magnificent flying (war) machines. Some things never change, no matter how much cash you flash. Question is, who's got the biggest... rocket?


CR@B Verdict: A marvel-lous cast have a tremendous time delivering bright, shiny, summer blockbuster fun, peppered with laughs. Iron Man 2 is a lightweight but likeable robot pissing contest on a grand scale.
***.5

Superbad Superheroes

Cine-review: KICK-ASS
15 – 117 mins – 2010
Written by: Jane Goldman and Matthew Vaughn
Adapted from the comic book series by: Mark Miller
Directed by: Matthew Vaughn
Starring: Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Nicolas Cage, Chloe Grace Moretz, Lyndsy Fonseca, Mark Strong, Clark Duke, Evan Peters, Dexter Fletcher
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The problem with hyped-up, word-of-mouth movies is that if you don't “get” what all the fuss is about, you start to question yourself: "What am I missing?" "What is everybody else going gaga over?" "Should I give it a second viewing?" "How does it deserve 5 stars?!!" These are some of the questions plaguing me since watching Kick-Ass, the bold new 'superzero' adaptation from Jane Goldman and Matthew Vaughn, the writer and director duo behind Stardust, which is receiving almost unanimous rave reviews from critics and cinema-goers alike.

For those critics and cinema-goers, the following will be a controversial read...

Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnston) is just your everyday Peter Parker-esque high school student: he's a scrawny guy who flails when talking to the opposite sex – including the “Mary Jane” of the piece, Katie Deauxma (Desperate Housewives' Lyndsy Fonseca) – and spends his evenings online working his way through a pack of Kleenex... until he and his equally geeky classmates Marty (Clarke Duke) and Todd (Evan Peters) are mugged for the nth time and Dave dons a web-bought scuba suit to become... Kick Ass, who, most of the time, ends up getting his ass kicked and his chest stabbed (yeah, I was shocked, too), leaving him with shredded nerve endings and a higher tolerance for pain.

Meanwhile, Lex Luther-lite goon Frank D'Amico (Sherlock Holmes villian Mark Strong) is furious at the overnight online success of this costumed crime-fighter, especially when others start following the trend and taking out his henchmen: vengence-bent Damon Macready (an above average Nicolas Cage) becomes the Batman-like Big Daddy and his weapon-savvy 11 year old daughter, Mindy, becomes the purple-wigged Hit Girl (Chloe Grace Moretz; a spritely sensation), prompting Frank's isolated son, Chris (Superbad's Christopher Mintz-Plasse, playing McLovin in all but name), to hatch an expensive sabotage plan in the form of Red Mist.

As you can see, there is a LOT going on in Kick-Ass, all of it very in-your-face, and sometimes characters and plot strands are off-screen and almost out of your memory for large chunks of the film: Marty, Todd and Katie in particular. The major issue I had with the film was there were just too many juxtaposing styles clashing awkwardly: high school humour, teen romance, superhero pastiche, comic book fantasy, gangster torture thriller, gore-soaked beat 'em up. It's fun, granted, but what is 'it' supposed to be? The film's selling point is that these are normal people playing dress up, so why does it cross over into hyper-silly fantasy with rocket powered jet packs, skyscraper damaging bazookas and walk-in microwaves?!

Kudos to Goldman and Vaughn for a complete departure from their 2007 Neil Gaiman adap to bring something new and striking to the well-worn superhero genre; Kick-Ass is everything but half-assed (*guffaw*) – and that is the problem: The violence is shockingly brutal, the gore slopped about in abundance, the language foul and the humour snigger-some. Quite how this wasn't rated '18' I will never know... It's extreme, dizzying and totally unrelenting, and with such a mixed bag you're bound to taste some flavours you want to spit out.


CR@B Verdict: Mix Watchmen's level of bloody violence, Kill Bill's stylistic idiosyncrasies, Spiderman's amiability, The Dark Knight's action and Superbad's high school humour and you have yourself a Kick-Ass cocktail. It's a potent concoction which would have gone down smoother as individual shots.
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