Starwell To Heaven

TV Review: DOCTOR WHO - “THE BEAST BELOW”
BBC One - 10th April 2010 – 6:15pm
Written by: Stephen Moffat
Directed by: Andrew Gunn
Starring: Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, Sophie Okonedo, Terrence Hardiman, Hannah Sharp, Christopher Good, Catrin Richards, Jonathan Battersby, Alfie Field, David Ajala, Chris Porter
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Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear... after last week's high-flying Moffat/Smith era opener, last night's sophomore episode came crashing down as a great disappointment in ALL areas, which is ironic given that “The Eleventh Hour” was grounded on 21st century Earth, while “The Beast Below” took us on a journey to the stars aboard the 29th century Starship UK; a police state comprising all of England's towns and cities aboard one flying landmass. The country's children are upset, creepy rotating clown-headed “Smilers” (see pic, below) sit in decaying Fairground booths passing judgement on the masses while piping a live feed through to Big Brother, and the gigantic ship's engines aren't making the water vibrate. Hmmmm, can somebody call the Doctor (Matt Smith), or, better yet: a science fiction and fantasy film buff...

I was instantly and continually troubled by the episode's truly unoriginal patchwork plot: from the Discworld-esque locale and Mort-dressed surveillance Minders, to the grimmy Blade Runner aesthetic of the post-apocalyptic environ, not to mention numerous cringeworthy Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy (Amy in her nightgown for the entire episode) and Star Wars (“My only hope”; garbage chute) references. In short, there was not a single innovative theme, character or device in the entire hectic 45 minutes. But it wasn't only classic genre pieces that Moffat borrowed from: modern science-fiction was also mined in the form of Lost-like video diaries as evidence of the hidden truth behind Starship UK's engine-less flight, and a Protest/Forget button in the Voting Booth somewhat simplifying the red-pill/blue-pill quandary facing Neo in The Matrix.

I wish I had been able to chose 'Forget' and erase any memory of this below-par adventure, especially when the gothic-gowned Phantom of the Opera impersonator trailing the Doctor turned out to be Liz Ten (Sophie Okonedo), the future Queen of England (with the most annoying “common” accent ever: “I'm the bloody Queen, mate. Basically, I rule.” *cringe*) who has been kept in the dark about the horrific and inhumane truth behind her country's Pratchett-plagiarising propulsion practises, pushing the episode's primary concern over the children's safety to the background for far too long (while Hannah Sharp's schoolgirl Mandy stood around idle yet still in shot).

Furthermore, I can't say I was overly taken by Matt Smith's portrayal of the Doctor this week; he is clearly comfortable in the role but I found myself getting more and more exasperated by his increasingly kooky asides and scatty persona, which failed to make me smile like Tennant used to. It also seems like more of an act, given how ridiculously well-informed he truly is. You may feel I am being overly hard on “The Beast Below”, so I will leave you on a positive note (yes, there is one); the plot climaxed with an emotional intensity which really helped bond the Doctor and his new assistant, as Amy Pond (Karen Gillan) saved the day by making a parallel to the immortal Doctor's loneliness. It was a mature and well acted scene, if only Moffat didn't feel the need to drive the message home by repeating it nearly word-for-word in the star-gazing epilogue, akin to the way the early Harry Potter films spelt out EVERYTHING to aid the youthful demographic.


CR@B Verdict: A hackneyed dud worryingly early on in the new series, the only bright lights being an emotional intensity to the climax and a number of subtle callbacks (Magpie Electricals) and references (like on Amelia's wall, a crack appears on the side of Starship UK) to keep the loyal fanbase content. A prime example of Who trying too hard.
**

TV Catch-up: The Day of the Triffids - Part 1 (2009)

"Feeeeeeeeeeeeeed me, Dougray!" It's the Big City Of Horrors

When I found out that the BBC were remaking the classic 1962 horror flick as part of their 2009 festive line-up, my interest was piqued. Not because I'm a huge fan of the original (truth me told I haven't ever seen it), but because the BBC were investing a lot of time, talent and licence-payer's mulah into making an adult sci-fi drama which doesn't rely upon out-of-place S-bombs and OTT sexual innuendo to achieve its 15-rating (coughTorchwoodcough). "And it's being penned by a man whose credits include ER and Law & Order?" Recorder set!

Tonight I finally sat down to catch up on the first 90 minutes of this 2-part 3-hour beast. And what can I say but "Come back Captain Jack, all is forgiven!" On a positive note, the production value was high (it didn't look like it was filmed in a studio, as is often the BBC style), the stars were numerable and - for the most part - fairly high-profile (if all playing rigidly to type), and events kicked off in a similar vein to US favourites Lost and FlashForward with a major(ly expensive) disaster rocking the status quo and making a real mess of the city.

So far, so impressive. If not exactly original.

Then things take a post-apocalyptic turn for the hilarious. While the pocket of "sighted" survivors (those not blinded by the aforementioned status quo-rocking disaster) try to make sense of what has befallen their countrymen and either band together or act snidely deceptive (that's your cue, Mr Izzard), they also have to deal with an enemy far greater than a panicked population...

Plants.

Bred in top secret high-tech farms as a combative to global warming (which, you'll agree, is a plus), the eponymous Triffids are violent (!), meat-eating (!!), mobile (!!!) plants which hunt out food (human flesh) when not supplied with root service (this is a rather hefty minus - but a great excuse for a cracking flora pun). Why settle for sunlight and water when you can gorge on an ungoggled human eyeball?!

Sounds like a monstrously wicked horror, doesn't it? But here lies the root (yep, I used the same word to pun again; leaf me alone!!) of the problem: for all the recent advancements in CGI, Triffids on the move still look like a guy shuffling in a compost suit (and bring to mind a certain intentionally-shoddy Pleasure GELF from Red Dwarf. See picture, laugh), undoing all of the impressive work that went into the opening set-piece and making fools of the characters who are running from their stalk-ers. Scared? No, me neither. Disappointed? You betcha. Tickled? Like a naked guy in a chicken suit.

Don't hold your breath for a review of Part #2. Seriously, I'm no good at CPR.