Battlefield: Brixton

Cine Review: ATTACK THE BLOCK
15 – 87mins – 2011
Written by: Joe Cornish
Directed by: Joe Cornish
Starring: John Boyega, Jodie Whittacker, Alex Esmail, Franz Drameh, Leeon Jones, Simon Howard, Luke Treadaway, Paige Meade, Danielle Vitalis, Nick Frost
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Newport-based rap outfit Goldie Lookin’ Chain must be brap, brap, brapping themselves stupid right about now. If only they had sung: “Guns don’t kill people, giant gorilla alien-things do”, their 2004 spoof megahit would have been an absolute shoe-in for the gangsta rap soundtrack to this genre-blending council estate sci-fi mash-up which. You get me?

Injecting the gritty realism of lower class city life with a triple shot of smugness, humour and blazin' honour, South London ’s concrete jungle plays hosts to a gang war on an intergalactic scale as the subhuman chavvie homeboys of “The Block” take on nonhuman invaders to their patch.

The stereotypes are out in full force as the ASBO delinquents tool up with all manner of switchblades, baseball bats and fireworks to fend off the black-furred, neon-fanged ET’s on this fateful Bonfire Night after gang leader Moses (Boyega) arrogantly decides to kill one of the meteor-carried “tings” in the name of pride. Big mistake, bruv.

Written and directed by Brit comic and feature film debutant Joe Cornish of Adam and Joe Show renown, Attack the Block is a meteor storm of culture-cussing comedy, explosive action, gross-out horror and creature-feature science fiction. Yet, the myriad of juxtaposing elements never feel out of whack and the cocktail concept never feels bloated. To Cornish’s credit: it works.

An obvious comparison would be to Anglo zom-com Shaun of the Dead (even more pertinent an association because both films share producers and star Nick Frost), but Attack lacks Shaun’s cosy charm, given the thuggish depravity of its main spliff-smoking, slang-spouting brats, who are introduced to us mugging student nurse Sam (Whittaker), taking her on 5:1. Ras-pect? Jog on, boys.

As their bluster bombs in the face of real danger, you will begin to warm to our posse of inner-city anti-heroes, as they team up with a reluctant Sam to fight the gremlins and evade the “Feds” (that’s the police to you and I) in between checking in with their curfew-administering ‘rents. The disparity between their public and private image is the source of much humour, particularly with two nine year old pipsqueaks who are desperate to join the adventure, arming themselves with cap guns, super-soakers and the laughably portentous pseudonyms “Props” and “Mayhem”.

As is often the case, the trailer all-too-successfully provides a snapshot clip show of the film’s funniest lines (“I just want to go home, lock my door, and play FIFA”), but at just under 90mins, Attack the Block never outstays its welcome, and most importantly never bores with its unrepentant onslaught. Nick Frost is criminally underused as pot-farming waster Ron, but the kidz are the real star of this show, even if you’ll leave the cinema still thinking they’re from another planet.


In a CR@B Shell: You’ll have initial trouble sympathising with the mouthy little shits, but you can’t deny their doggedness. Likewise, if you stick with Joe Cornish’s debut, you won’t be able to deny Attack isn’t a Block-busting tour de force which manages to be both great fun and bloody fierce entertainment. Boyakasha!
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WKD Witches

DVD Review: OUTCAST
18 – 98mins – 2010
Written by: Colm McCarthy and Tom K. McCarthy
Directed by: Colm McCarthy
Starring: James Nesbitt, Kate Dickie, Niall Bruton, Hanna Stanbridge, Ciaran McMenanim, James Cosmo, Karen Gillan, Christine Tremarco
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If the cast of Shameless ever delved into the occult, Outcast would be the outcome. A pair of Irish travellers – introverted teen Fergal (Bruton) and his protective mother Mary (Dickie) – find temporary lodging in a deprived council estate in Edinburgh . They are in hiding from the inexorable Cathal (Nesbitt), a man who uses black magic to hunt his quarry. Meanwhile, the lowlife deadbeats wasting away in the concrete jungle are picked off by a mysterious beast with a taste for flesh…

Dark, visceral and lacking any cinematic gloss, Outcast adds a smattering of gritty social realism to its fantastical predator and prey plot. The Edinburgh estate is in a state of disrepute; a grey wasteland of smashed windows, graffiti-ed walls and uncouth chavs - among them Karen "Amy Pond" Gillan in a pre-Who supporting role - who doss about on the swings while their parents drink themselves into an early grave. It’s an unpleasant sight, but it at least makes a change from seeing all the prettiest young starlets getting picked off in their lush New York skyscrapers.

Much to his mother’s stern disapproval, emotionless Fergal starts an awkward romance with Petronella (Stanbridge), an independent girl from the estate with a sharp head on her shoulders. The pair have nothing in common and they seem to spend half their time together in awkward silence, but I can imagine these kind of desperate, chemistry-devoid unions take place all the time when there’s nothing better to do than hang at the park smoking.

Despite his star quality, Cold Feet’s Nesbitt delivers an unglamorous turn as the gruff and unlikeable Cathal, a mystically tattooed brute who snaps crows’ necks to work his wicca magic and locate Mary for a predictable climatic showdown which ties the film’s three key threads together: who is the monster, why is Cathal so intent on dispatching a woman long gone from his life, and what was the purpose of Mary keeping Fergal and Petronella apart?

The CGI beastie is often obscured in shadow (for budgetary reasons I’m sure), but when it does eventually grace the film in all its hideous supernatural glory, it looks like a long snouted, green-skinned werewolf. It’s too lanky to be particularly scary, but it does its job without being laughed off the screen. Elsewhere, Outcast goes all out to achieve a top shelf rating, splattering the pavement in as much gore as possible and even subjecting the game Dickie and Bruton to gratuitous nude shots. Blimey - these people really are Shameless!


In a CR@B Shell: Rough around the edges and not at all pretty, but Outcast is a gritty and atmospheric low budget effort which deserves more than the one star mauling genre fanboys SFX subjected it to.
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Frienemies

Today I overheard both sides of a heated telephone conversation between two "youfs". First, let me clarify that I was not stalking them, but I was in earshot of Youf #1 who had the loud-speaker on his mobile turned up to 11, allowing everyone the dubious honour of being able to hear the chavvish screams of Youf #2.



To begin with I was generally concerned as an argument erupted and threats were bandied about. From what I could deduce (I'm no Harriet the Spy) the general premise was that Youf #1 had pushed over the younger brother of Youf #2 during a game of football, causing Youf #2 to defend his family's honour... via mobile conversation (please remember these are 15 year-olds, this is more Little Rascals than The Godfather).



"Don't you EVER touch my little brother again, understand?" squealed Youf #2. "Next time I see you I should punch you in the face!"



To wit Youf #1 returned "If you do that, I know loads of people in ____ who will lay you out!" (He didn't really pause there, I'm just not revealing the place name, aight?)



This charming tete-a-tete continued with voices rising and tempers fraying, until the very last sentence. When this happened:


"By the way," said Youf #1, all anger evaporated from his voice, to be replaced with mild giddiness, "don't forget to phone me if you're allowed out later, so we can meet up, okay? See 'ya, bye."



Teenagers, hey? What a fickle bunch.