Monster Mystery Science Fiction Theatre 1979

Cine Review: SUPER 8
12A – 112mins – 2011
Written by: J. J. Abrams
Directed by: J. J. Abrams
Starring: Joel Courtney, Riley Griffiths, Ryan Lee, Elle Fanning, Kyle Chandler, Gabriel Basso, Zach Mills, Noah Emmerich, Ron Elard, Glynn Turman
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In the (fictional) backwater town of Lillian, Ohio in 1979, young amateur film-maker Charles (Griffiths) cajoles a group of his closest friends and classmates into starring in, and helping him execute, a George A. Romero-inspired zombie movie for inclusion in a local competition. Using the 8mm home movie format of the title, budding director Charles' crucial midnight train station scene is interrupted in disastrously spectacular fashion when a pick-up truck driven by their old Biology teacher (Turman) deliberately drives onto the tracks, derailing a passing military train right before their petrified eyes.

In the flaming aftermath, the crash site is littered with a plethora of curious white cubes, while the US Air Forces' swift attempts to shut down the area and keep the local community in the dark despite a growing number of mysterious phenomena only piques the groups' curiosity: just what was that train carrying – and where has it escaped to...?

A homage to the magic and wonder conjured up by the classic Steven Spielberg adventure films of yesteryear (E.T., Close Encounters, The Goonies – hence the retro setting), with an added injection of Lost mastermind Abrams' trademark head-scratching mystery and a fair dollop of CGI monster madness straight outta Cloverfield; Super 8 is – despite its amalgamated inspirations – a bold and invigorating breath of fresh air in this cluttered and vapid Summer blockbuster season (Transformers: Dark of the Moon, take a bow).

Sitting down in the cinema to watch a film which hasn't already given away its entire plot in an over-excessive, spoiler-heavy marketing campaign is an exciting feeling, evoking in me a sense of wonder which made me feel like a wide-eyed little kid again – a rare feat in this leak-heavy internet era where no work of art is safe from being ruined by the impatient hacker-savvy masses. Beyond this, even during the film, Super 8 still tries its utmost to hide its “surprise reveal”, keeping the treasure just out of shot or behind conveniently placed signposts until deep into its third act.

If I'm totally frank, I must admit that when the treasure was finally revealed and the pieces of the puzzle started fitting together into a coherent picture, I did find myself slightly disappointed. I won't spoil it for those who are yet to watch, but I will say that a saccharine sweet ending straight outta E.T. just seemed too neat and tidy for a film which had derived so much fun from keeping the audience guessing for ninety percent of the running time. One line of contrived dialogue in particular really irked me.

But mild anti-climax aside, Super 8 is by-and-large a sensational and tense sci-fi mystery thriller. As Charles relays to his best friend and number one make-up guy, Joe Lamb (Courtney), as he hands him a rewrite of his ever-changing zombie script: “the train scene is important because it makes the audience care for the characters. You want to see them live because they've got someone who loves them to go home to” – and, heeding his own advise, care for Abrams' characters you unquestionably will.

Protagonist Joe's heartbreaking back story (his mother was killed in a work-related accident just four months ago) and its ramifications for his under-pressure Deputy father (Chandler), first crush Alice (Fanning) and her brutish lout of a dad (Elard) frame the drama and adds considerable and identifiably humane weight to the ongoing out-of-this-world mayhem. Furthermore, these characters act like real people: they bicker, they fight, they argue, they banter and they tease – you'll continually find yourself tittering at the authentically grounded dialogue (particularly from the smart-mouthed kids), and this helps makes the horror all the more personable.


In a CR@B Shell: Surviving a train wreck, dodging the military, uncovering a long-quashed secret – and still these kids find the time to make a zombie movie and be hella funny! It's a pity the climax slightly sullied what was otherwise an exhilarating and unpredictable experience, but I'd nevertheless have no qualms in rewarding Super 8 a super 8/10 – which translates to a respectable 4 ticks outta 5 from this CR@B.
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Creatureless Feature

Blu Review: MONSTERS
12 – 93mins – 2010
Written by: Gareth Edwards
Directed by: Gareth Edwards
Starring: Whitney Able and Scoot McNairy
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Film critics – particularly those working at tabloid rags – have a tendency to exaggerate their reactions to films in the vain hope of bagging a quote on the DVD cover. Never before has this been more obvious than with the Daily Mirror's wildly inaccurate praise of Gareth Edwards' debut sleeper hit Monsters. “Thrilling, action packed and totally original” they exalt in their five star review. Now, I'll give them “totally original”, because the vague comparison to the concept of District 9 is dispelled as soon as the film begins, but “thrilling” and “action packed”? Erm, seriously, were we watching the same film?!

I knew before pressing play that, irrespective of the title, the eponymous beasties are far from the main focus of the film. The narrative instead focuses on the arduous trek over quarantined Mexican soil undertaken by photographer Andrew Kaulter (Scoot McNairy) and his bosses daughter, Samantha Wynden (Whitney Able). Their goal is to reach the “safe zone” of the US border without being eaten alive by the creatures which have bred uncontrollably since a NASA probe carrying alien samples crash landed in Central America some six years ago.

I won't deny that the direction and cinematography aren't awe-inspiringly beautiful, because they are, but the film's milieu is purposefully restrained, wash-out and barren. Many formerly thriving communities have been devastated and deserted, left to rot with an eerie calm which sets the tone for the film. Writer and director Edwards' hones in on the blossoming relationship between the pair as they bribe, walk and camp across many miles of deadly land and water. Reflective? Yes. Well observed? True. But “Thrilling”? I think not!

Furthermore, the monsters only appear four times in the entire film – the first 45mins passes by with only a brief glimpse over the opening titles and TV news footage to quench your sci-fi desire. Even when the pair are seemingly doomed in a climatic showdown in a deserted gas station, the result is more dreamy than dramatic. Unexpected? Totally. Stunning? You betcha. “Action packed”? Dream on, Daily Mail!

The sheer scale of the hype surrounding this film didn't exactly help my reaction to it. It's undoubtedly an impressive debut which works completely against type, but I really struggled to warm to the characters, which really damages a film's appeal when they appear in every scene! I'll be blunt: Kaulter is a dick. I found him to be curt and unfriendly at the best of times, plus he outright refuses to “babysit” Sam as a favour for his boss – until he sees how attractive she is!! He gets drunk on a stop over at the ferry port – less than 48 hours after meeting her – and tries to get in her knickers, then beds a random tart when engaged Sam rebukes his advances!!

Sam is the more down-to-earth of the pair, but her unexplained issues with her fiancé are not benefited by the inexplicable feelings she forms for Kaulter. Just because a man and a woman spend a period of time together does not mean they have to get together, particularly not when the woman is soon-to-be wed and the man sleeps with anything that will have him. Personally, this diminished by attachment to their plight, and when the alien action is all but absent, I found very little to adore about Monsters.


In a CR@B Shell: A brave and ambient high concept, low key debut which leaves the fantastical on the sidelines and keeps the human focus centre stage. I just don't comprehend quite what everyone is raving about and cannot award Monsters anywhere near as highly as I thought, or hoped, I would.
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WKD Witches

DVD Review: OUTCAST
18 – 98mins – 2010
Written by: Colm McCarthy and Tom K. McCarthy
Directed by: Colm McCarthy
Starring: James Nesbitt, Kate Dickie, Niall Bruton, Hanna Stanbridge, Ciaran McMenanim, James Cosmo, Karen Gillan, Christine Tremarco
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If the cast of Shameless ever delved into the occult, Outcast would be the outcome. A pair of Irish travellers – introverted teen Fergal (Bruton) and his protective mother Mary (Dickie) – find temporary lodging in a deprived council estate in Edinburgh . They are in hiding from the inexorable Cathal (Nesbitt), a man who uses black magic to hunt his quarry. Meanwhile, the lowlife deadbeats wasting away in the concrete jungle are picked off by a mysterious beast with a taste for flesh…

Dark, visceral and lacking any cinematic gloss, Outcast adds a smattering of gritty social realism to its fantastical predator and prey plot. The Edinburgh estate is in a state of disrepute; a grey wasteland of smashed windows, graffiti-ed walls and uncouth chavs - among them Karen "Amy Pond" Gillan in a pre-Who supporting role - who doss about on the swings while their parents drink themselves into an early grave. It’s an unpleasant sight, but it at least makes a change from seeing all the prettiest young starlets getting picked off in their lush New York skyscrapers.

Much to his mother’s stern disapproval, emotionless Fergal starts an awkward romance with Petronella (Stanbridge), an independent girl from the estate with a sharp head on her shoulders. The pair have nothing in common and they seem to spend half their time together in awkward silence, but I can imagine these kind of desperate, chemistry-devoid unions take place all the time when there’s nothing better to do than hang at the park smoking.

Despite his star quality, Cold Feet’s Nesbitt delivers an unglamorous turn as the gruff and unlikeable Cathal, a mystically tattooed brute who snaps crows’ necks to work his wicca magic and locate Mary for a predictable climatic showdown which ties the film’s three key threads together: who is the monster, why is Cathal so intent on dispatching a woman long gone from his life, and what was the purpose of Mary keeping Fergal and Petronella apart?

The CGI beastie is often obscured in shadow (for budgetary reasons I’m sure), but when it does eventually grace the film in all its hideous supernatural glory, it looks like a long snouted, green-skinned werewolf. It’s too lanky to be particularly scary, but it does its job without being laughed off the screen. Elsewhere, Outcast goes all out to achieve a top shelf rating, splattering the pavement in as much gore as possible and even subjecting the game Dickie and Bruton to gratuitous nude shots. Blimey - these people really are Shameless!


In a CR@B Shell: Rough around the edges and not at all pretty, but Outcast is a gritty and atmospheric low budget effort which deserves more than the one star mauling genre fanboys SFX subjected it to.
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Puppet Master(bation)

Who? Avenue Q
What? Sesame Street goes X-rated!
When? 17th March 2011
Where? Norwich Theatre Royal
Why? Part of the UK leg of the World Tour
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Remember how hilarious it was hunting down the infamous lost “adult” episode of Rainbow when you were younger and sniggering at the usually joyous and innocent George, Zippy and Bungle acting like smutty, foul-mouthed goons? Well now you don’t have to – because Avenue Q delivers exactly the same culture clash in an adults-only musical stage show extravaganza!

The Broadway production’s plot is a real potpourri of personal and worldly issues played out satirically by products of our childhood. The titular locale – essentially a downtrodden take on Sesame Street – is in an outer borough of New York, where furry “monsters” interact with human residents as they learn many life lessons associated with growing up: leaving university, finding a purpose in the real world, coming to terms with your sexuality, juggling a career with commitments, racism, falling in love, etcetera. Porn also comes up a lot, too. Naturally.

The scores of musical numbers are catchy, wittily-worded clap-along treats: “What Do You Do with a B.A. In English” hit a real chord with me, while “It Sucks To Be Me” and “The Internet is For Porn” had the audience in stitches. “Schadenfreude” – about deriding amusements from other’s misfortune – was the funkiest number, however, some songs – such as “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” – seemed awkwardly shoehorned-in simply to make a point. It certainly makes for an interesting, if scattershot, “educational” experience.

Some characters are portrayed by puppets, held and performed by visible-but-ignored actors, who interact with other players performing their roles in the more traditional sense. It does take some getting used to, especially as the lead human Princeton (Adam Pettigrew) is a puppet, while other humans are not. Trekkie Monster (Chris Thatcher), who stays in his room downloading porn all day, is a vulgar riff on Sesame Street’s unruly Cookie Monster, while best friends Rod (Pettigrew again) and Nicky (Thatcher again) vocalise the latent homoeroticism forever associated with Burt and Ernie.

Most disconcerting for me was Avenue Q’s go-to handyman Gary Coleman (Matthew J. Henry). Yes, that Gary Coleman. A fictionalised representation of a genuine celebrity lampooning his fall from grace since his status as a child star faded. I wasn’t aware before the show, but I was fairly certain that the real Gary Coleman did not have a hand in writing the script (he did not), so I couldn’t quite work out why he was there; it didn’t really fit with the rest of the production. Considering the Diff’rent Strokes star died just last year, it was also uncomfortable sniggering at him, even if it is a sardonic exaggeration.

Kudos to the hard-working puppeteers who sing, act and emote via their hand-held characters fantastically. But given their visibility it does irk when puppets are traded to substitute performers while the puppeteers portray multiple characters – even if they do still throw their voices to retain continuity. Video screens intermittently slid down to screen childishly animated skits; they garner a minor chuckle but are ultimately unnecessary, as was an uncomfortable descent into the audience to coerce viewers into “raising funds” for lead female Kate Monster’s (Rachel Jerram) dream school.


In a CR@B Shell: Your inner child will laugh itself silly at watching puppets sing, swear and shag (!!) on stage, but the continuous attempts to parody a multitude of “enlightening” life lessons leads to a barmy, disjointed and uneven show.
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* The photographs are not from the Norwich show and actors on the night differed from those shown.