Recent Review Run-down

A medley of mini-monologues from a myriad of mediums. Try saying that 3 times. Hell, try saying that ONCE. You'll sound like a right knob.

CINEMA:

Avatar: James Cameron's overly-hyped return to the big screen is a stunning visual achievement. Reversing the dogma that less-is-more, the fictional world of Pandora is a luscious cornucopia of dense jungle, mountain-top vistas and stretching landscapes, brought to live with a fully-realised eco-system. Even the most ludicrous Cloverfield cast-offs mated with a rhino and dipped in neon paint look astonishing in three dimensions. It's a shame that the story is so achingly predictable and jarringly high-concept, but even this doesn't doesn't harm the overall sensory experiene once the 3D glasses are on. ****

Sherlock Holmes (2009): The former Mr Madonna reinvents Baker Street's super-sleuth as a boxing, drug-addicted eccentric in a murky and washed-out industrial-era London on the build. Which is the ideal setting for a mystery so meticulously constructed it requires scaffolding (or, at least, slow-motion replays for explanation). Fun and imaginative, if a little mired in cults and black magic (thus nothing is what it seems - cue the slo-mo gimmick), it's just a pity Mark Strong is such a bland and unimposing villian as Lord Blackwood. ***

DVD:

Dorian Gray (2009): Oscar Wilde's classic tale of excess and amorality in Victorian London gets another big screen adaptation. Yet for all of the acts of greed, sin and debauchery on show, the screen never really comes alive, with the action and scenery looking as flat as a portrait hidden in the attic. All of the actors - especially fresh-faced newcomer Ben Barnes as the naive eponymous self-destructor - are guilty of going through the motions in this slow-moving cautionary horror. Pity it's horrific for all the wrong reasons. **

The Hangover: An enjoyably zany film, if not the "comedy of 2009" it has been hyped to be. This is mainly because it has all been done before; a drink-and-drug-fuelled party (here a stag do) goes too far and it's up to the hungover guests (groom's best mates) to retrace their forgotten steps to put things right (find the groom) before time runs out (the wedding starts). Essentially, it's a cocktail of Dude, Where's My Car? mixed into a pitcher with Very Bad Things. So, Mate, Where's The Groom? or Very Confusing Things, if alternative, copyright-infringing titles were required. Which they aren't. ***

TV:

The Turn Of The Screw (2009): No, not Shakespeare's meta-comedy on courtship and marriage (that's The Taming Of The Shrew, genius!), but a BBC remake of Henry James' 1898 ghost story. Auntie Beeb have successfully managed to evoke a creepy and cagey atmosphere within the haunted country house, while the acting is first rate, especially by the two young stars playing the possessed siblings. Unfortunately - and maybe this is an issue with the source material rather than this particular adaptation - the horror builds to an entirely anti-climatic showdown with the disgruntled deceased, comprising of... a bit of shouting. The Exorcist, this ain't, although - *SPOILER ALERT* - somehow a child dies? Of what - a burst eardrum?!! ***

Darren Hayes NYE Set-list Breakdown (Part #4)

The encore...

16. THE LOVER AFTER ME: Darren returned to the Club Colosseum stage - replete with bowler hat - to the strings of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah", played with extreme patience by guitarist Steve Young (pictured below) as Darren paid a moving tribute to Michael Jackson. Given the subject of loss, Affirmation's stunning "The Lover After Me" (a recent rediscovery of mine) was a fitting choice. Okay, it's not about loss through death, but let's not get too depressing, this was NYE after all.

17. DARKNESS: Another absolute gem from the classic that is The Tension And The Spark, with the addition of a familiar drum-beat (I'd better not mention it was from "When Dove's Cry" or Prince will no doubt have my blog shut down... oh crap).

18. SPIN: So here we are. This is it. No, not the MJ concert documentary; the final song of the night (unless you're including the 3-hour DJ set, in which case this was more like 30 songs from the end, but I didn't spend money to listen to a CD - not that I'm condoning illegal downloads... moving along). How could Darren possible top such a rich pot pourri of styles, hits, rarities and other-people's songs? How about by performing the title track to his least favourite solo album for the FIRST TIME EVER, mixed with Eric Prydz's "Pjanoo"? Um, yeah, that'll do it.

A mahoosive thank you to Mr Hayes, Mr Shave, Mr Young, Miss Polly Rae, Mr/s Kandy Kane and everybody else who was involved but whose names I do not know. New Years Eve 2009 will take some beating; just like the two guys who got into a fight on the dance floor at 1:30am. At a Darren Hayes gig. Seriously.

Okay, what the hell am I gonna blog about now?...

Darren Hayes NYE Set-list breakdown (Part #3)

9. DUBLIN SKY: Kicking off the 3-song acoustic set was the first song Darren ever wrote on his own (he was in Dublin, with a guitar, in case you were wondering). A real journey of a track, chronicling post-separation depression > acceptance, with a faltering electro finish... Beautiful.

10. WHERE YOU WANTED TO BE: Darren opening his heart by performing this non-album rarity, which he openly admitted was written about his former band-mate Daniel Jones. Having only previously heard this song on YouTube, this was the only song of the night I wasn't able to sing along to ("BAD FAN!!"), but it was still a truly overwhelming experience.

11. I KNEW I LOVED YOU/TRULY MADLY DEEPLY: Rounding off the acousitc portion were two U.S. #1 hits for the price of one - A.K.A. "The wedding song" medley, which was originally performed in this gestalt form on the 2002 Too Close For Comfort Tour. 'Gestalt' means two entities brought- oh, go look it up yourselves, you're online!!

12. ON THE VERGE OF SOMETHING WONDERFUL: Anyone lulled into a dream-like state of ballad overdose (or was it too much drink? Yes, I'm talking to you, madam, who fainted in the front row and needed assistance...) were surely rocked back to their senses with this drum-fuelled electro-pop smash from Delicate. Surprisingly, this was only the second - and, as it transpired, final - track Darren performed from his most recent (non-side project) album.

13. INSATIABLE: Mixing his biggest solo hit with Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" was - personally - the only misstep of the entire performance. True, morphing the erotic ballad into a Spanish-hued party song was more in-keeping with the post-"Verge" mood, but I'm not overly keen on that particular Madge song, and Insatiable is a classic. Leave it alone, Darren. And the song! *boom tish*

14. I WANT YOU: Producer/co-writer/instrumentalist/general all-rounder Mr. Justin Shave (pictured with Darren on the Time Machine Tour) was given a chance to shine - not that he was ever dull in his sparkly t-shirt and funky shades - with a head-mic, key-tar (which decade are we seeing in?! ;-b) and the honour of singing 'robo' backing vox in this "Tears Of Pearls/Violet" Mix. So technically a medley... kinda. Oh, who cares when the musak is this freakin' phunkay?!

15. POP!ULAR: The final song of the main set, and there wasn't a hint of fatigue as Darren (he's 37, fact fans) continued the highly energetic electro-funk vein of "I Want You" with Tension's lead single (and humorous pop at the 'music' industry), given a 90's Black Box make-over with the music to "Ride On Time". Don't even pretend you don't all know it!!

I would crack on with the encore, but I need a breather and a costume change (this leather is beginning to chafe, and I'm parched for a Chica Cherry Cola). Until #4, CRaB-fans! :-D

Darren Hayes NYE Set-list breakdown (Part #2)

1. EGO: Decked out in a bejewelled biker's jacket (but minus the MJ "homage" glove - pictured below - at his husband Richard's suggestion) and sitting - A.C. Slater-stylee - backwards on a wooden chair, Darren took to the cramped Club Colosseum stage with a minimal and instrospective song buried at the tail-end of 2004's critically-acclaimed-but-pubically-ignored (shame on you!) The Tension And The Spark. Bravely brought to the forefront as the opening number, "Ego" lured the audience in and allowed Darren to connect with us on a personal level before building to the "bang" which followed. What an opening statement!

2. TEARS OF PEARLS: Giving an early Savage Garden album track a live tweak by incorporating the music from 1985's "Vienna Calling" by Falco (who dat?!), this was a brilliant uptempo party song and the perfect antithesis to "Ego"s melancholic pondering.

3. STRANGE RELATIONSHIP: The first of a shocking FOUR tracks from Darren's 2002 solo debut Spin; publically known as his least favourite album from his back catalogue (despite containing 2 of his biggest-selling and best-known solo singles, of which this is one). "SR" was a popular choice for getting the crowd singing along (as if we needed any encouragement!)

4. CASEY: Not only Darren's personal favourite of all his solo songs, but clearly a crowd-favourtie too, this crescendo-ing epic from 2007's This Delicate Thing We've Made had the NYE audience singing, cheering and jumping along as the electro-beat hit in.

5. I MISS YOU: Back to Spin for a really unexpected choice; Darren stopped singing "IMY" after 30 seconds on the DVD-captured 2006 Big Night In gig because he wanted to sing something "better". Three years - and a reappraisal - later and Darren hits us with a live rendition of the (unreleased) "Dallas Austin Mix". I was so caught up with the lyrics that I didn't even realise it wasn't the album arrangement - oops!!

6. BREAK ME, SHAKE ME: Darren played (gloveless) homage to his - and my - idol by singing this 1998 Savage Garden track to the music of... "BILLIE JEAN"!! When the bassline started, I couldn't believe my ears! I have always loved Darren's "Bow Down and Break Me" live arrangement (which sounds a lil' Doctor Who-inspired and incorporates Nine Inch Nails' "Head Like A Hole") but this "Billie Jean Mix" is giving it a run for its money!

7. UNLOVABLE: One of Darren's most personal and heartfelt tracks (again from Tension), and one of wismanthree's favourites, "Unlovable" always manages to sound even more raw and emotional when sung live (if that's possible), with the electronic tones echoing hauntingly in the background. A-mazing.

8. CRASH AND BURN: Another popular choice, this uplifting SG song from Affirmation (1999) is always a great live choice and bonding experience.


The next 3 songs were grouped as an "acoustic set", so this seems a fairly logical place to break, for now. Until Part #3...

TV Catch-up: The Day of the Triffids - Part 1 (2009)

"Feeeeeeeeeeeeeed me, Dougray!" It's the Big City Of Horrors

When I found out that the BBC were remaking the classic 1962 horror flick as part of their 2009 festive line-up, my interest was piqued. Not because I'm a huge fan of the original (truth me told I haven't ever seen it), but because the BBC were investing a lot of time, talent and licence-payer's mulah into making an adult sci-fi drama which doesn't rely upon out-of-place S-bombs and OTT sexual innuendo to achieve its 15-rating (coughTorchwoodcough). "And it's being penned by a man whose credits include ER and Law & Order?" Recorder set!

Tonight I finally sat down to catch up on the first 90 minutes of this 2-part 3-hour beast. And what can I say but "Come back Captain Jack, all is forgiven!" On a positive note, the production value was high (it didn't look like it was filmed in a studio, as is often the BBC style), the stars were numerable and - for the most part - fairly high-profile (if all playing rigidly to type), and events kicked off in a similar vein to US favourites Lost and FlashForward with a major(ly expensive) disaster rocking the status quo and making a real mess of the city.

So far, so impressive. If not exactly original.

Then things take a post-apocalyptic turn for the hilarious. While the pocket of "sighted" survivors (those not blinded by the aforementioned status quo-rocking disaster) try to make sense of what has befallen their countrymen and either band together or act snidely deceptive (that's your cue, Mr Izzard), they also have to deal with an enemy far greater than a panicked population...

Plants.

Bred in top secret high-tech farms as a combative to global warming (which, you'll agree, is a plus), the eponymous Triffids are violent (!), meat-eating (!!), mobile (!!!) plants which hunt out food (human flesh) when not supplied with root service (this is a rather hefty minus - but a great excuse for a cracking flora pun). Why settle for sunlight and water when you can gorge on an ungoggled human eyeball?!

Sounds like a monstrously wicked horror, doesn't it? But here lies the root (yep, I used the same word to pun again; leaf me alone!!) of the problem: for all the recent advancements in CGI, Triffids on the move still look like a guy shuffling in a compost suit (and bring to mind a certain intentionally-shoddy Pleasure GELF from Red Dwarf. See picture, laugh), undoing all of the impressive work that went into the opening set-piece and making fools of the characters who are running from their stalk-ers. Scared? No, me neither. Disappointed? You betcha. Tickled? Like a naked guy in a chicken suit.

Don't hold your breath for a review of Part #2. Seriously, I'm no good at CPR.

GIG REVIEW: Darren Hayes - New Years Eve In London (Part #1)

Savage Garden seemed to pass me by in the late nineties and early noughties, and it wasn't until after they had disbanded and frontman Darren Hayes had released his 2002 debut solo release Spin, that I became a fan. After the legend that is Mr. Michael Joseph Jackson, it is fair - and totally accurate - to say that Darren Stanley Hayes is my second favourite singer-songwriter EVER (and I'm sure he would be honoured to come second to his idol). In the seven years I have followed and supported his career - through major changes in musical direction, personal discovery and artistic partnerships - I have seen him perform live six times as his artisty, creativity and stage persona has grown exponentially. Having missed out on his first NYE show in 2007, I was determined to make it to this one (even if tickets were £99 a head), especially as it marked his first live performance in nearly 2 years!

Accompanied by my best mate and fellow blogger wisemanthree, we set off for Vauxhall's Club Colosseum in our finest funky threads. It was a bit of a marathon (we set off at 2.30pm and didn't get home until nearly 5am New Years morning), but boy was it worth it. And not just because the first support act, the gorgeous Miss Polly Rae, stripped to a G-string and nipple tassels in her burlesque set!

The venue, despite seeming somewhat inconspicuous on the outside, was a glamourous, spacious and modern affair (the VIP sofa's looked like they were inspired by Picasso!!) with a fantastic view of the Thames and London Eye (it looked like something out of Secret Diary of A Call Girl - without the sex workers, obviously - as wisemanthree pointed out). After the (very pleasant) surprise of Miss Polly Rae, the second support act was comedienne Kandy Kane, who got the crowd singing along to a collection of parody pop songs, before Mr. Hayes made his bejewelled entrance at 10pm.

Set-list break-down to follow. Bear with me; this may take some time...

Welcome to the Twenteens?... Twenty-teens?... Twenty-tens?... Sod it: 2010!

SNAPPY New Year to my cast* of follower (I'm looking at you, WMT!) and casual readers of quality bloggage everywhere! 2010 is the year of the CRaB!**

That is all.

* It's the term given to a collection of CRaBs. Honestly. Look it up on wikipedia!! And you thought this blog was a research-free rush job? I put in the crustacean hours, thanking you muchly!

** Okay, I admit, I totally made that one up. 2010 is, in fact, the Year of Biodiversity. Trustworthy and reliable Wikipedia, where would I be without your 100% accurate noddage?!