'Tis the Season to be Busy

So here is a smattering of slimline assessments – all the goodness of a regular CR@Blog, with half the inane prattling (not scientifically proven).

Film Review: A CHRISTMAS CAROL (2009)
PG – 92mins – 2009

Robert Polar Express Zemeckis’s visually consummate CGI retelling of Charles Dicken’s Victorian ghost story sees rubber-mouthed Jim Carrey taking on a multitude of assorted vocal roles, including the misery Ebenezer Scrooge, and the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come.

Some of the landscape rendering is so masterful you’ll wonder whether you’re not looking at a photograph, while Colin Firth’s festive Fred and Bob Hoskin’s portly Mr. Fezziwig look so much like Colin Firth and Bob Hoskins that they may as well have done away with the pixels altogether.

Ultimately, other than some boastful ethereal effects – this was shown in 3D cinemas, after all – and a nightmarish shrink n’ chase scene with a demonic horse and cart, this umpteenth cinematic adaptation offers us nothing we haven’t seen copious times before, no doubt at a tenth of the budget of this overblown Disney retread. If that makes me a Scrooge then I say “bah, humbug!”

CR@B Rating: aaaaa

Film Review: THE DARK HALF
18 –122 mins – 1993

Creepshow collaborators and genre legends George A. Romero and Stephen King joined forces once again in the early ‘90s, with the Granddaddy of the Living Dead bringing the literary spinechiller’s pseudonym-exorcising 1989 novel to the big screen.

King waved goodbye to his own darker half “Richard Bachman” shortly before writing this terrifying tale of a pen-name-made-flesh, with Oscar winner Timothy Hutton (no, me neither) stepping into the dual role of Thad Beaumont/“George Stark”.

This is not a murder mystery, since the supernatural nature of Stark’s personification is never in doubt, so when Thad is accused of slaughtering those who were in on his pseudonym’s “death” we never once share the police’s suspicions.

Nevertheless, this is a polished and visceral horror (twin tumour!!) with a superbly ambitious and disturbingly twisted end for the evil Stark more than making up for any plot holes (like why prime suspect Thad was free to go about his day to day life during the investigation, besides the fact it would otherwise have been a very short film).

CR@B Rating: aaaaa

Film Review: THE SEEKER: THE DARK IS RISING
12A – 99mins – 2007

Everyone always tells you to read the book before you see the film; well here is an instance where I did just that and thoroughly regretted it. Character names aside, there aren’t many details from Susan Cooper’s 1974 fantasy adventure novel that the filmmakers didn’t alter.

The plot – involving teen “Old One” Will Stanton’s (Alexander Ludwig) search for six signs to stop the Dark from, you’ve guessed it, rising – remains broadly akin to its source, at least tonally, but faithful it sure ain’t: Ages, nationalities and character traits are needlessly altered, key plot points butchered, inexplicably moved or dropped in favour of weaker new additions, etcetera.

Viewed on its own accord, I’m sure this magical fantasy romp would more than satisfy young fans of the Harry Potter, Eragon, Narnia, Inkheart, Lemony Snickett and Golden Compass ilk, but when seen in light of the visionary novel, the only thing it leaves you seeking is an aspirin! The Dark is Rising purists beware.

CR@B Rating: aaaaa

Psychic Primate

DVD Review: MONKEY SHINES
18 – 108mins – 1988
Screenplay by: George A. Romero
Based on the novel by: Michael Stewart
Directed by: George A. Romero
Starring: Jason Beghe, John Pankow, Kate McNeil, Joyce Van Patten, Christine Forrest, Stephen Root, Stanley Tucci, Janine Turner, William Newman, Boo
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Despite being George A. Romero's first studio release and basking in the twilight of 1985's Day of the Dead, it's still not hard to see why Monkey Shines is one of the horror legend's lesser known works. For starters, the high concept premise – for all its good intentions of delivering an anti-animal experimentation message – sounds utterly ape-shit crazy, if you'll excuse the simian schtick.

Paralysed from the neck down following a car accident, Allan Mann (Jason Beghe) becomes a bitter and enraged young man. His frustration is anything but quelled when his “clinical c*nt” (classic line) of a girlfriend (Janine Turner) leaves him for his surgeon (Stanley Tucci) in his time of need, and his house nurse (Christine “Mrs Romero” Forrest) is an incompetent, unsympathetic bitch.

Allan is given reason to smile again, however, when his Mother Nature-tampering scientist of a best mate, Geoffrey Fisher (Jon Pankow) donates his smartest simian subject, Ella (Boo), to be Allan's legs and hands. That's right folks, Ella is trained to be Allan's slave, obeying his every order and request.

However, Geoff fails to mention to his wheelchair bound pal that Ella has been receiving regular injections of human brain matter in his laboratory, and soon the genetically modified junkie monkey starts developing a bizarre jealous streak, anticipating Allan's every need and even carrying out his most depraved subconscious wishes...

See what I mean? On paper (and computer screen), Monkey Shines sounds like a risible sub-Stephen King horror spoof. I'm still struggling to work out exactly how being injected with a dead girl's brain tissue can give Ella a psychic connection to Allan, but it's to Romero's credit that this novel adaptation – for all it's cheesy charm and gimmicky gubbins – still works as a psychological horror.

Allan's helplessness lends the film a great layer of tension, and Ella's psychotic splurges deliver the gore (although you will be disappointed if you are expecting blood and guts on a zombie chomping scale; this is more of a thriller). I particularly liked the close up shots of Allan with elongated canines, which gave a perverse and supernatural slant to this (pseudo-)scientific satire, though I won't comment on the scene where Ella licks blood from his lips, and what that may say about Allan's primal urges...

The plot takes a little while to get going (30 minutes in you do start to question whether it truly is a horror after all), and Begle's over-egged squinty-eyed bitter act is a little hard to swallow, especially when he starts a foul-mouthed rant at his over helpful mother (Joyce Van Patten), but if you prefer your horror more thoughtful and aloof and only delivering the bloody goods when the plot dictates (rather than a non-stop slurry of inane torture porn), then you could do far worse than a dose of Monkey Shines.


In a CR@B Shell: It isn't clinically perfect – or hide-behind-your-hands horrific – but Monkey Shines does well to make a sophisticated and creepy supernatural thriller out of a bananas concept. Bravo to Romero for taking a risk with an unconventional caper which most people would throw faeces at before giving a chance.
aaaaa

Teenage Licks

DVD Review: MARTIN (1977)
18 – 91mins – 2010
Written and directed by: George A. Romero
Starring: John Amplas, Lincoln Maazel, Christine Forrest, Elayne Nadeau, Tom Savini
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[SPOILERS] Independent horror maestro George A. Romero swaps living dead flesh-eaters for undead blood-suckers in this terrifically kooky slice of 70s horror spliced with teenage drama, which has recently been restored, remastered and re-released on a stunning 2-disc “Immortal Edition” by the committed cult horror aficionados at Arrow Video.

“Vamps and angst,” I hear you cry, “again?!” But before you form any unfair premature opinions, let me reassure you that Martin is a totally different beast to both Twilight (2008) and Let The Right One In (2009). What makes this little known underdog stand out from the pack is its clever subversion of Hollywood conventions, keeping the audience questioning and guessing as to its ambiguous intentions throughout.

The youthful protagonist (John Amplas; eerily effective) is a torridly shy, awkward and alienated lad who just so happens to have a lust for murdering girls and drinking their plasmic juices. But whether you believe Martin really is an 84 year old Nosferatu in need of a soul cleansing exorcism – as his hostile and superstitious uncle, Tada Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) obsessively believes – or just a severely tormented and mentally disturbed teen crying out for attention, is up to you to decide.

Romero's deliriously inconclusive script, coupled with a disorientating editing style, leaves judgement open for multifaceted critiques: Garlic, sunlight and crucifixes have no effect on this fangless monster. Martin is very much a realist tale devoid of hocus pocus and typically overblown vampiric lore: “There is no magic,” as the lead points out. He even requires a needle full of drugs to knock his victims out before stripping them naked and raping them of their blood in two unpleasantly sensual murder scenes. Can anyone say sexually repressed?

Yet conversely, the present day narrative is disrupted by overly theatrical black and white cutaways to Martin in gothic, candlelit scenarios which could easily have been lifted straight out of a 1950s Monster Movie. Romero is eschewing clichéd filmic conventions while drawing attention to his indie production's strangeness – but to what end? Are they stylistic flashbacks to the vampire's earlier existence, or merely the deluded fantasies of a tormented kid obsessed with B-movies and subjected to the appalling, twisted hokum of his ludicrously crazy family?

Simultaneously unsettling, subdued and tragic, Martin is George A. Romero on top film-making form – and there isn't a zombie in sight. A stunning and radical beast which will confound as many viewers as it enthrals; I guarantee you will be thinking about this curio long after the shockingly abrupt ending. Much like Romero's catalogue of masterpieces, Martin has a disturbing, dualistic quality which invites repeat viewings.


CR@B Verdict: Harrowing, horrific, yet still intrinsically human, Martin is an enthralling psychological portrait of a troubled teen. In typical Romero fashion, populist expectations are subverted into an unorthodox and provoking indie gem.
aaaaa

Two-Dimensional Terror

DVD Review: CREEPSHOW 2
15 – 89mins – 1987
Written by: George A. Romero
Based on stories by: Stephen King
Directed by: Michael Gornick
Starring: Tom Savini, George Kennedy, Dorothy Lamour, Frank Salsedo, Holt McCallany, Paul Satterfield, Jeremy Green, Daniel Beer, Page Hannah, Lois Chiles , David Beecroft, Tom Wright, Richard Parks
____________________________________

Five years after George A. Romero and Stephen King brought us five tales of jolting terror in 1982's Creepshow anthology, the masters of horror returned to bring us another issue of camp comic scares presented by demonic storyteller The Creep (Tom Savini). Second time around Romero took screenplay duty and Creepshow's cinematographer, Michael Gornick, was promoted to director. Budget restrictions (what more should we expect when indie auteur Romero is involved?) saw the original film's five strip set-up reduced to a trio of King-inspired shorts.

A cartoon wraparound bringing back Billy (Domenick John), the avid reader of the eponymous tome from the first film, interjects the live-action stories with a clichéd story of bullies never prospering... with giant Venus Flytraps. Given the film's graphic inspiration, it was a nice idea to incorporate hand-drawn animation, and I fully accept that these serialised skits would make the most of their artistic (and budgetary) freedom, but the moralistic story felt far too childish and ridiculously OTT, and it lessened the impact of the more mature – though equally unrealistic – live-action vignettes. And that's saying a lot...

Old Chief Wood'nhead: The wooden statue of a Native American (Dan Kamin) comes alive to deliver vengeance for an elderly couple needlessly murdered by a gang of lowlife thugs in a bungled raid on their southwest store.

This first story starts surprisingly slowly, allowing the audience to warm to Ray (George Kennedy) and Martha Spruce (Dorothy Lamour), a kind-hearted and hard-working couple you can't help but admire. This bond makes their slaughter at the hand of vain, delusional ringleader Sam Whitemoon (Holt McCallany) and his braindead cohorts all the more cruel and hard to watch. The lengthy burglary scene leaves little time for the Chief's bloody retribution to have much impact, and the majority of his rampage is only shown in silhouette or off screen (such as Sam's apt demise). Also: what's the point of having a possessed wooden bodyguard if you have to die before he step's off his podium? A great concept then, but "Old Chief Wood'nhead" was averagely executed.

The Raft: Four disposable teens with hackneyed personalities (jock, slut, shy girl and eco-warrior) take an out-of-season trip to a lake to smoke weed, swim in the freezing waters and get laid on the titular wooden device. However, an unidentified blob monster has other plans and strands them in the middle of the lake before picking them off one by one and dragging them under the surface...

The weakest of the three segments, “The Raft” is let down in three key areas. Firstly, by a supernatural predator which looks more like a few old plastic bags floating in the river then the “oil slick” it keeps getting mistaken for. Secondly, I appreciate that the teenagers are meant to be naïve and they are playing clichés of the helpless victims who always get killed off, but when even the nicest and most “normal” guy, Randy (Daniel Beer), fondles his dead mate’s girlfriend while she sleeps, having just seen two of their friend’s murdered, I failed to have an iota of sympathy for any of them. Thirdly, the plot is as thin as a line drawing: the monster is never explained, the characters fail to think up an escape plan and the whole story is terribly one-sided. “The Raft” suffered from a lack of substance or plot progression; the kids don’t even attempt to see if their alien adversary has a weakness, preferring to simply wait it out until death. Good plan(!)

The Hitch-hiker: Businesswoman Annie Lansing (Lois Chiles) is in a hurry to drive 20 miles in an impossible 7 minutes to avoid her rich and punctual husband (Richard Parks) from suspecting her infidelity with a male gigolo (David Beecroft). Losing control at the wheel, Annie runs down a hitchhiker (Tom Wright), panics and leaves him for dead. Only he isn’t prepared to let her get away with it… "Thanks for the lift, lady!"

Ramping up the tension and the gore-factor, “The Hitch-hiker” is far and away the most satisfying of the three tales: a paranormal fable of revenge where we are rooting for the bloodied and mangled remains of a man wronged. It is also successful in playing with our sense of reality – has Annie’s state of shock lead her to hallucinate the disturbing events? – before justice is, ahem, wheeled out. Though quite how Annie ever made it home before her husband is beyond me...?


CR@B Verdict: As fun as this comic book horror can be, Creepshow 2 offers little depth to its lightweight chills. The animated intermissions also negate the live-action terror, with only “The Hitchhiker” delivering any darkness in an otherwise bright, camp extravagance.
**.5

Another Bite at the Zombie

DVD Review: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1990)
18 – 92mins – 1990
Written by: George A. Romero
Based on the original film written by: George A. Romero and John Russo
Directed by: Tom Savini
Starring: Patricia Tallman, Tony Todd, Tom Towles, McKee Anderson, William Butler, Bill Mosley, Katie Finneran, Heather Mazur, Pat Logan
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Given the recent slew of ostentatious horror remakes of questionable necessity and debatable quality (Nightmare on Elm Street , Psycho, The Hitcher, My Bloody Valentine 3D, Prom Night – need I go on?), it is understandable that you would approach any modernization of a genre classic with great trepidation. Nonetheless, this early ‘90s adaptation of George A. Romero's hallowed Night of the Living Dead is certainly not to be groaned at, granting a modern audience who would have scoffed at the black and white, budget-conscious 1968 effects a reason to look over their shoulder as they visit the cemetery; they’re coming to get yooouuu, Generation X-Box!

Obviously, Night 1990 isn't in the same groundbreaking league as the archetypal original with which it shares its name, but it is still a spirited and claustrophobically chilling triumph. Tellingly, the remake wasn't a studio-enforced cash-in on the cult zombie brand, but had the full backing of the “Grandfather of the Dead”. Indeed, Romero co-produced and rewrote the script he originally worked on over two decades earlier with John Russo, while effects supremo Tom Savini – having previously lent his gory stylisation to Dawn... (1979) and Day of the Dead (1985), to much acclaim – got the chance to complete the trilogy (ish), and was even handed directing duties. Additionally, Romero roped in a lot of the team who helped him realise his 1968 vision to recapture the magic all over again.

The plot, for the most part, sticks to the original’s winningly simple outline: a small group of strangers hole up in a backwater Pennsylvanian dwelling to survive a paranormal onslaught as the recently deceased rise from the grave and go on an insatiable hunt for human flesh. More credible and repugnantly gory make-up aside, where Night 1990 differs most apparently is in the characterisation, particularly that of lead female Barbara (Patricia Babylon 5 Tallman), who was criticised in the original for being rather, well, useless (the shock of the supernatural scenario sends her into a state of shock for 90% of the film, which, apparently is sexist and demeaning to females everywhere). This time around she is a more proactive and dynamic heroine who is handier with a gun and more forthright.

A further derivation from its source material is the morning-after epilogue, which substitutes the genuine controversy of having survivor Ben (now played by Tony Candyman Todd) mistaken for a zombie and shot down by trigger-happy yokels,* for enforced ‘shock’. Returning to the house of horror, Barbara murders self-centred survivor and all-round arsehole Harry Cooper (Tom Towles) as he climbs down from his private attic hideaway, before informing the hicks “Here’s another one for the fire”. Now, don’t get me wrong, the man was a belligerent, wife-beating, unsupportive monster who definitely had it coming, but for Barbara to murder a human so callously seems somewhat out of character. I mean, there’s forthright, and there’s forthright! But, hey, I guess a night battling the Living Dead is somewhat disillusioning to a person’s sense of morality, and who am I to judge until I have been in her position?


CR@B Verdict: Drained of the Cold War allegory attributed to the revolutionary original, but a visually effective zombie horror nonetheless; Night 1990 revises the character flaws which besmirched the ‘60s classic without bastardising the Living Dead brand.
***.5
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* Racism? According to George, Ben was originally written as a white man and the part simply given to the best actor, Duane Jones, who happened to be black.

Bio Shocker

DVD Review: THE CRAZIES
18 – 99 minutes – 1973
Story by: George A. Romero
Screenplay by: Paul McCollough and George A. Romero
Directed by: George A. Romero
Starring: Lane Carroll, Will MacMillan, Harold Wayne Jones, Lloyd Hollar, Lyn Lowry, Richard Liberty, Richard France, Harry Spillman, Will Disney
________________________

A couple of burning bodies, a knitting-needle attack and a totally unnecessary incestuous rape (best leave that one there...) cannot hide the fact that George A. Romero's original stab at The Crazies (1973) is rather heavy on talk and light on craziness. Indeed, there are so few on-screen examples of unprovoked violence from the biologically-infected citizens of Evans City, Pennslyvania, that you feel absolutely no threat from their slightly spaced-out mood swings. In contrast, the men in uniform brought in to keep the town under control are a shouty, blundering and terrifying mess of crossed wires, macho bravado and total ignorance who couldn't take charge of a bustling school hall. Okay, point taken: the army are the enemy here, but in truth, the filmmakers are hardly innocent either.

Romero wastes no time in getting stuck into an explosive opening set-piece – the first case of infection sees a man murder his wife and set fire to his house while his children are inside – but following this dramatic introduction, the action then slows to a crawl as the clueless but commanding military unit move into the quarantined town and round up the unsuspecting citizens in the most undignified manner. All of the exposition is spoken rather than shown (the catalytic, virus-carrying weapon “Trixie” was aboard a plane which crashed into a river, infecting the water supply) and the majority of the violence is people being gunned down. Repeatedly. Which gets old rather quickly and only aids to highlight the lack of a budget for this lo-fi B-movie.

I am usually very forgiving when it comes to my favourite cult horror director balancing allegorical ideas with pitiful resources (the dodgy CGI in Survival of the Dead (2009), for instance), alas, a lack of innovative, realistic or frightening effects isn't the only issue I have with The Crazies. All the neccessary ingredients are present – social commentary, fake blood, impending apocalypse, faceless enemy – but they have been mixed horrendously into an unsuccessful and riotous hodge-podge of a “horror” which fails to live up to its potential. The Crazies is neither scary nor thought provoking, simply amateurish, and it is no surprise that it is one of the legendary auteur's lesser known works.

There is never any tension in the linear, undynamic plot, the script jumps about so often that you never have time to care for any of the lead characters, and all the big plot points (the realisation that the virus has spread to the next town, for example) are wasted by being revealed in bloated conversations. It pains me to type such blasphemy, but the 2010 Breck Eisner remake (reviewed hither) is actually an improvement on this rough draft of an original, even if the zombie-connection Romero is famous for is played up to the hilt in the slick, modern-day frightener.


CR@B Verdict: Hampered by a muddled script and non-existent budget, I sniggered more than I was shocked by this so-called horror. The Crazies has an interesting, issue-laden concept, but it is poorly realised. Sorry George, but you will have your Day.
**

Raw Footage

Film Review: DIARY OF THE DEAD
18 – 96mins – 2008
Written and directed by: George A. Romero
Starring: Josh Close, Michelle Morgan, Scott Wentworth, Shawn Roberts, Philip Riccio

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With 2008's quick-fire fifth entry in the Living Dead series, auteur George A. Romero overcame the nagging question overshadowing predecessor Land of the Dead - how has society managed to progress technologically despite a zombie outbreak? - by resetting the diegetic timeline to day one of the mysterious plague, but updating the drama to the modern day. Which was wholly necessary given how relevant to today's society his latest social commentary is.

Unlike Land, Diary boasts no big name stars (although a number of high-profile actors and directors do make voice-only cameos as radio newscasters) and instead of the glossy digital photography of its forebearer, Diary is shot through the lens of a handheld camcorder (or, at least, that is the effect). It is edited together from footage being 'shot' by Jason Creed (Josh Close) as the meta-documentary “The Death of Death”, after filming of his student horror film is interrupted by the news of the dead returning to life. This audio-visual diary then records the struggles of Jason, his girlfriend Debra (Michelle Morgan), their drunken professor Andrew Maxwell (Scott Wentworth) and a host of their friends and fellow film students, as they make their way across state to the 'safety' of their family homes. But is anywhere safe from this global pandemic?

For a visionary director renowned for his groundbreaking concepts, it is initially disappointing to presume Diary's 'Point of View' technique is a bandwagon-jumping response to Matthew Reeve's handicam monster blockbuster Cloverfield, however this is not the case, and Diary's application of the technique is a platform for Romero to deliver a – rather heavy handed – comment on the 24/7 online community (who all strive for instant fame and information verification), and a warning of the disassociation of the lens; footage can be edited to tell (and cover up) any story and favour any party. It is telling that deaf and mute Amish farmer Samuel (R.D. Reid) – I told you it was heavy-handed – is just as clued up on the invasion as the internet-savvy students.

Despite rejigging the franchise's mythology, Diary's plot neatly progresses through a microcosm of each of the previous entries' key-themes and iconic scenes: from being holed up in Samuel's barn (Night), to spying a zombie pushing a shopping trolley (Dawn), to filling up on supplies in a renegade military unit's garage (Day), to discovering a swimming pool full of the living dead at wealthy friend Ridley's (Philip Riccio) parent's mansion (Land). And yet, as I have proven above, Diary is in no way a tired retread but a film which acknowledges its monstrous heritage and its legions of fans while bringing something new to a genre which has been shuffling around this earth since 1968.

CR@B Verdict:The concept is brave but the message is communicated rather heavy-handedly. In the Romero tradition, Diary of the Dead boasts scores of both literal and figurative brains, but it is the least successful of the series as a piece of horror entertainment.
***

The Zombies are Revolting!

Film Review: LAND OF THE DEAD – DIRECTOR’S CUT
18 – 93mins – 2005
Written and directed by George A. Romero
Starring: Simon Baker, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Asia Argento, Robert Joy, Eugene Clarke
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Two decades after the dead had their Day, legendary filmmaker George A. Romero returned to the series – and sub-genre – he created, with 2005’s Land of the Dead. Since the mysterious events first depicted in Night of the Living Dead (1968), civilisation has been obliterated by the reanimation of the recently deceased as flesh-eating zombies; America has become the land of the de-composing. In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, the living have been forced to survive in fenced-in slums while the upper classes feign ignorance of the zombie apocalypse in the sanctuary of Fiddler’s Green, a luxury apartment complex lorded over by elitist tycoon Kaufman (Dennis Hopper).

Kaufman also financed the construction of Dead Reckoning, an armoured artillery vehicle built by Riley Denbo (Simon Baker) and used by Riley and his team on reconnaissance and supplies missions. When Kaufman refuses cocksure dogsbody Cholo (John Leguizamo) residence at Fiddler’s Green, Cholo steals Dead Reckoning and threatens to fire on the high-rising haven if his $5million ransom isn’t met. Drafting in Riley – along with his burn-victim friend Charlie (Robert Joy), outcast Slack (Asia Argento) and a trio of military goons – to intersect Cholo and bring home his four-wheeled asset, Kaufman believes his troubles are over, however the “stenches” (as the dead are referred to) seem to be remembering aspects of their former lives – including how to use weaponry – and they are on the move… toward Fiddler’s Green.

Land of the Dead is chock full of blood, guts, carnage and a big dollop of trademark Romero commentary, this time attacking class society. Money has let Kaufman play God – but who is he to decide who is welcome into paradise? The real saviour of the story is honest, hard working Riley, but he is far too humble to take credit. The rich inside Fiddler's Green are as distracted by commodities as the dead are by “sky flowers” (fireworks), however the dead are advancing and becoming more resourceful than the unworldly, material-obsessed living, amassing an arsenal of weaponry and leaving a trail of bodies on their (literal and metaphoric) journey. To further the biblical allegory, the “stenches” don't need to part the waves to cross the water into the isolated city, in one of Land's grandest and most atmospheric scenes

As leader of the zombie revolt, “Big Daddy” (Eugene Clarke) is the evolution of the iconic “Bub” from Day of the Dead (1985), the zombie who showed the first signs of cerebral processes, and Land offers a plethora of other welcome call-backs to the preceding entries in the series: zombie effects supremo-cum-actor-cum-director Tom Savini, whose biker character was savagely killed in Dawn of the Dead (1978), is seen in zombie form; actress Asia Argento (Slack) is the daughter of Dario Argento, cult horror filmmaker in his own right and co-producer and co-composer of Dawn; while the story for Land was partly deprived from a unused plot for Day.

Land is the first of the living dead films to be shot digitally and feature CGI-effects (a few of which are jarringly noticeable alongside traditional methods), and there are other modern touches which make this twenty-first century outting distinctly of its time: a lesbian couple are pulled apart while snogging, a girl has her belly button ring bitten off, Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright of spoof/tribute Shawn of the Dead cameo for their idol, and all manner of technological gizmo's crop up in the plot (such as the computerised interior of the Dead Reckoning, not to mention the homing device it is fitted with), which causes something of a headache for the continuity-obsessed fan* and probably explains why George 'reset' the timeline with 2008's Diary entry.


CR@B Verdict: It would be easy to dismiss Land of the Dead as the work of an ageing auteur still gripping on to the corpse of his heyday, but George A. Romero proves he still has the teeth to rip a fearsome and powerful yarn.
****
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*If this world has been zombie-infested since 1968, exactly who has had the time, money or interest in scientific advances amid the collapse of civilisation?

Water Crazy Bunch o' Folk

Cine-review: THE CRAZIES
15 – 101 mins – 2010
Written by: Scott Kosar and Ray Wright
Directed by: Breck Eisner
Executive Producer: George A. Romero
Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson, Danielle Panabaker
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A U.S. community is ravaged by a mysterious disease which turns the affable population into senseless drones with a penchant for horrific, unprovoked attacks, leaving a small band of survivors to battle against the murderous hordes and evade capture by a top secret military force hoping to contain the terror. Hmmmm, sound familiar? Then so should the name George A. Romero, the 'Father of the Living Dead', who didn't stray far from his winning zombie formula when he co-wrote and directed the 1973 B-movie The Crazies. Indeed, he remains close to his creation still, taking on the role of executive producer on this twenty-first century remake.

Ogden Marsh, Iowa is the friendly farming community left in ruins after a plane carrying a biological weapon crash lands in the outlying river, polluting the local water supply one house at a time. Sheriff David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant) is the first to suspect all is not right in his town when cases of irrational behaviour start leaving a body count, and all the phone and internet lines no longer connect them to the rest of the world... When the US military moves in to quarantine the town and contain the artificial virus by any means necessary, David bands together with his practitioner wife (Radha Mitchell), his deputy (Joe Anderson) and his wife’s young surgery assistant (Danielle Panabaker), to evade both sets of enemies and survive the apocalyptic nightmare.

It is hardly an original concept, and yet The Crazies still packs a powerful punch. The infected “crazies” may not want to feast on your intestinal tract like the living dead do, but they retain a deadly precision to their maniacal actions (enough to be able to use a needle and thread) and the capacity for speech and thought, making them a far more terrifying adversary than an animated corpse; they know who they are hurting, yet they still continue. The uncontaminated characters are well-rounded and convincing; gutsy yet sympathetic as they battle against hope to survive a pandemic which has wiped out their town, their friends and their lives, without the actors being such giant superstars that they sway your allegiance.

Furthermore, the writers pack every scene with tension as a multitude of obstacles – and bodies – stack up between the survivors and safety, and the director never shirks away from depicting the most gruesome and appalling brutality – whether the assailant be a glassy-eyed, vein-faced, morally-depraved madman, or a faceless, unremitting military squadron who's dogma is: shoot first, burn 'em second, fuck asking questions (it wouldn’t be a Romero concept without a hint of societal critique). If I have one minor quibble with The Crazies, it's that the plot device of endangered-hero-saved-at-last-second-by-gun-shot-from-off-screen is deployed once too often, but in a film so packed with such a variety of viscerally inventive deaths (Car wash!! Rake!! Coroner’s saw!!), I can hardly grumble.


CR@B Verdict: Tense, shocking and bloody – a cut above the average schlock-fest. You'd be 'crazy' not to catch this apocalypse NOW.
****